OK: So, How Happy Are You?

Several years ago, in an Arizona court, I met an elderly Somali woman who was accompanied by two of her pregnant daughters. I was there to assist the woman’s son, a man in his thirties, who had been convicted of burglary and drug possession. The family came to seek leniency-- on his behalf-- during his sentencing. They all testified and implored the judge to give their relative a break. After the hearing, the elderly woman approached me and thanked me for helping her son. She then asked the name of ‘my wife’ lest she knew her.

“I am not married,” I said.

“You are not?”

“No.”

There was an eerie, if not a deafening, silence.

“My two adult college-aged sons live with me,” I sheepishly volunteered to add. Or, as the older of the two had the wont of saying, “My Dad lives with me.”

More silence.

“Yeah, I was married for 22 years,” I said as though I was pleading for an understanding from the woman. In essence, I wanted her to know that I had no beef with the institution of
marriage.

More silence.

It was obvious that the continuous and loud silence left me utterly deflated.

By this time, I had given up. To the elderly lady, I was a middle-aged professional Somali man with a notable attribute: I was single. Although I am not a mind reader, I could guess what she was thinking: “Maybe he is leading a life of debauchery. He must be miserable.”

The woman finally gave me a perfunctory farewell and left. She also shared a terse—albeit, unspoken-- message: Do something and get married.

Somalis put premium on the importance of older age. According to one Somali adage, “Nin gu’ kaa weyn, garaadna kaa weyn,” (a person who is [a year] older than you is wiser than you). Although Somalis also promote the act of marriage, Somali elders have unfortunately not yet been asked, in a systematic way, what advice they can offer to young single people.

It is important to note that the idea of associating marriage with happiness is something ingrained in many people’s minds, regardless of their culture. Some studies have concluded that
single people are likely to be less happy than those who are married. Meanwhile, married people tend to live longer. Of course, some of my married friends would adamantly argue against such conclusions.

Other than the disquieting subject of marriage, I do not recall my mother ever sitting with me or my sister and giving us any advice on getting married or achieving that elusive goal called “happiness.” She was more of an action-oriented person than a talker. When my mother came to California in 1991, she lived with me for the first year and half before she got her own place. She was a fiercely independent woman who wanted to have her own space. During the short period she stayed with my family, she was reticent. She generally did not comment on my marriage at the time, either good or bad. One notable exception occurred when I would take her to visit some Somali women in our city for social gatherings. The women inevitably asked my mother about my family life. She replied that it was good. Then, my mother delivered what seemed to be a mortal blow to my role as a husband: “Hassan spends a great deal of time in the kitchen.” She, of course, meant cooking, not foraging for food in the kitchen.

I howled with laughter at my mother’s comment. She was disdainful of the fact that her son was doing what she thought to be a wife’s responsibility. In other words, I was mangling my role as a husband. My mother never mentioned the fact that she did not approve of a man cooking while the wife was home. I have always enjoyed cooking and, oddly, my children have always been my biggest fans. I guess they did not have much of a choice as they were my captive audience. My mother’s remark clarified for me her comments to me when I would present her a meal. She had a habit of taking a veiled dig at my culinary skills: “War heedhe, maxaad noo walaaqday maanta?.” “(what have you been stirring for us?).” “Walaaq”, or “stirring,” is something done by an amateur--in my case, a man wo, presumably, did not know what he was doing. When she disapproved of something said or done, her favorite phrase was, “Illeen waa daaqdaa.” (So, you graze). I found it sardonic because she had a raw sense of humor.

I wonder what my parents would have said about issues such as marriage, happiness, career, and parenting if they had spoken to me about them.
***
30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans by Karl Pillemer (Hudson Street Press, 2011) is a new book that shares the advice of 1,000 American elders whom the author calls “the Experts,” because they have done something many of us have not: lived into their 70s, 80s, 90s, and beyond. For a period of five years, the author, who is also a professor of Gerontology at Cornell University, interviewed his subjects, who were 65 years old and older,
about issues such marriage, parenting, careers, and happiness. These elders explained that
no one gave them advice when they were young. This is a summary of the advice they shared:

On Marriage: A successful marriage, according to the elders, is the one when the couple has
the same values and goals. The idea that opposites attract and, hence, make their marriage successful is nothing but a wishful thinking. Yes, many couples meet, fall in love, and then get married, but what makes a marriage durable is an amalgam of friendship, open communication, the ability to compromise, and an unwavering commitment to the institution of marriage. Romantic love, in essence, does not beget a lasting union. In Linda and Charlie Bloom’s
book, 101 Things I wish I knew when I got married (2004), the authors identified what kills a marriage and what makes it special:

#10: “It isn’t conflict that
destroys marriages; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by
withholding.”

#76: “Of all the benefits of marriage, the
greatest is the possibility of using this relationship to become a more loving person.”

Marriage is taking that extra step to make every day special. One of the elders shared this daily
advice: “When you wake up in the morning, think, ‘what can I do to make her day just a little happier?” (Antoinette Watkins, 81).

On Parenting: Discipline is crucial, but there is no need for physical punishment. The elders, paradoxically, see the futility of physical punishment-- an approach that was considered acceptable just two or three decades ago. They think that it is not an effective way of disciplining, and, in fact, may lead children to become aggressive and anti-social.

The elders urge parents to spend time with their children at any cost and make the effort to participate in their activities. The more a parent interacts with his/her child, the more that
parent is able to establish a bond and instill important values. Moreover, more interaction also enables parents to detect peer problems.

Do not engage in favoritism or comparisons, advise the elders.

On Careers: Find a job that you like, the elders say, and that you enjoy doing. You can always
get another job, on a temporary basis, while you pursue your ultimate career.
Patience is key in pursuing your dream job.

On Regrets: The elders advise you to be honest and take full advantage of the opportunities
that life presents. For those who are still young, they urge them to travel before it is too late.

On Happiness: Happiness is a choice one makes and “is not a result of how life treats you.”
Things do happen to people that are beyond their control, the important thing is how people
react to such matters. It is always good to be joyful. One 90-year- old woman stated, “I learned to be grateful for what I have, and no longer bemoan what I don’t have or can’t do.”
***
Let’s briefly discuss the topic of happiness now that the elders have extrapolated
their take on it.

Happiness as an industry

According to Psychology Today, in 2008 alone, 4000 books were published on happiness in the United States compared to 50 books published in 2000. The plethora of books on the topic-- not to mention the fact that some leading American universities are offering classes on happiness-- is intriguing. An entire
field has emerged called, “positive psychology,” that deals with the study of happiness.

In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson made the pursuit of happiness as
basic human right, along with life and liberty.

Many thinkers often define happiness in terms of living a good and meaningful life. In
Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle used the term “eudemonia” (rather than “happiness”) which means “well-being,” or “flourishing,” as the basis of ethics. Humans, Aristotle, argued pursue
“eudemonia” for its own sake, unlike wealth, friendship, or health.

Happiness is contentment. Psychologist Martin Seligman provided the basic ingredients of
happiness or “flourishing,” as he calls it, using the acronym, PERMA. People are happy when they have the following;

Pleasure (“tasty food, warm bath, etc.”),
Engagement (“the absorption of an enjoyed yet challenging activity”),
Relationships (“social ties have turned out to be an extremely important
indicator”),
Meaning (“a perceived quest for belonging to something bigger”),
Accomplishment (achieving goals).

What about money and appearances? To what extent do these affect one’s happiness?

Good Looks and Happiness

Can good looks make you richer and happier?

Some economists at the University of Texas-- Austin report that a measurable economic benefit exists for being attractive. In other words, the more attractive you are, the more likely you are to benefit from it economically and happiness-wise. “The majority of beauty’s effect on happiness works through its impact on economic outcomes,” explained Professor Daniel Hamermesh, the lead researcher. These economists sought to determine if any correlation existed among beauty, income, and happiness. They found that better-looking people earn more money and marry better-looking and higher earning spouses. Good-looking individuals have better chances to get better job interview results, make better initial impressions, influence others, and, most
of all, get the benefit of the doubt.

So, what about plastic surgery? Do some people need to change their looks in order to gain preferential treatment?

“It doesn’t help much…Your beauty is determined to a tremendous extent by the shape of your
face, by its symmetry, and how everything hangs together,” Hamermesh argued.

The study, of course, did not take into consideration some of the successful people who are simply not that attractive. Can you say that Bill Gates, Donald Trump, or the late Steve Jobs and Michael Jackson (who were alive at the time of the study) were better looking than the average Joe?

Moreover, “isn’t overall quality of life—family, money, friends, career, interests, and so on—determined by ‘how everything hangs together?” (Time, 3/30/11).


Can Money Buy Happiness?

Give me wealth, and I will be happy.

Not so fast!

Donald Trump, the flamboyant American billionaire, once aptly summarized the complex relationship between money and happiness when he said, “Money is not everything—for those who have it.” Yet, there is always the perception among many that money can buy happiness. At least one study by researchers at Princeton University’s Woodrow Wilson School concluded that money can buy happiness if a magical figure is attained, a $75,000 annual income. There are two kinds of happiness; the changeable, day-to-day mood that reflects if one is sad, stressed, - and emotionally sound- and the “the deeper satisfaction you feel about the way your life is going.” The $75,000 annual income in the United States only improves one’s life satisfaction, not the day-to-day emotional content. Incidentally, the magical figure is quite high given the federal poverty level is $22,050 for a family of four.

Researchers found that respondents’ evaluation of their overall life was directly tied to their income. With extra income, people’s stress level was a lot lower than those suffering from inancial pinch. In essence, the more money people made, the more they felt that they were enerally satisfied with their lives. It is not absolute wealth that is linked to happiness, but elative wealth or status; that’s, how much more money you have than your neighbor.

The researchers found that most Americans (85%), regardless of their income, felt happy every year. About 40% reported feeling stressed, and 24% felt sadness. When the same study was conducted in other countries, the Americans were not unique. This is how they ranked:

5th__in terms of
happiness,
33rd__in terms of
smiling,
10th—in terms of
enjoyment
89th—in terms of
being the biggest worriers,
5th—in terms of
being most stressed (out of 151 nations studied).

According to The Economist (February, 2012), poorer nations actually fare better in the way they self-report about happiness.

A Purposeful Life

Money can enable individuals to pursue their passion but it is not an indicator that it leads to happiness. Various studies have shown that the super-rich are susceptible to a host of problems such as high level stress. People who are also materialistic tend to be less happy than those who aren’t.

So, what is the way out?

In his book, Happier, Tal Ben Shahar provides an eloquent summation of how one should approach the topic of happiness. Happiness can best be attained by:

-‘Creating rituals around the things we love,
-Expressing gratitude for the good things in our lives,
-Setting meaningful goals that reflect our values and interests,
-Playing to our strengths instead of dwelling on weaknesses, and
-Simplifying our lives—not just the stuff, but the time’.

Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali (1058-1111) was a Muslim philosopher and the author of Kimiya-as-Sacaadah (The Alchemy of Happiness), a practical guide to happiness. He basically called for leading a purposeful life. Al-Ghazali prescribed a life of self-discipline and spiritual purity. To Ghazzali, self-realization is very important. “He who knows himself is truly happy.” The aim of moral discipline is “to purify the heart from the rust of passion and resentment till, like a clear mirror, it reflects the light of God.” Unhappiness is when one becomes slave to his desires. “In short, man in this world is framed in infirmity and imperfection. But if he desires and wills to free himself from animal propensities, and ferocious satanic qualities, he may attain future happiness.”

Personal growth and helping others are more likely to prompt happiness than money and status. According to Kennon Sheldon, professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota, people
pursue two types of goals, intrinsic and extrinsic. “Intrinsic goals are about personal growth and self-knowledge, connections and social intimacy with other people, and wanting to help the human community for altruistic reasons,” Dr. Sheldon said. “Extrinsic goals are about money, luxury, appearance, attractiveness, status, popularity, looks, and power.” Individuals driven by
intrinsic goals are “significantly happier” than those pursuing extrinsic goals.

In a seventy-two year study, conducted by Harvard University’s psychiatrist Dr. George Valliant, looked at what makes men happy over their lifetime and discovered that happiness encompasses
having good relationships, especially with their siblings and friends; adapting to crisis, and having a stable marriage. Moreover, avoiding smoking and chemical dependency, getting regular exercise, and maintaining a healthy weight further brighten the prospects of individual happiness.

Professor Chris Peterson of the University of Michigan suggests simply making strong personal relationships as top priority in order to ward off life’s daily trials and tribulations.

Finally, there is the story of the Zen master and a 16-year old boy in a Chinese village. For his birthday, the boy received a horse as a gift. The villagers were impressed and said, “How great!” The Zen master said, “We will see.” One day, the boy fell from the horse and broke his foot. The villagers were saddened and said, “That’s awful!” The Zen master said, “We will see.” Two years later a war broke out and all the abled young men were drafted. The boy was exempted due to
his physical condition, and the villagers said, “How wonderful!” The Zen master said, “We will see.”

Life is replete with setbacks. What seems to be an opportunity might be ominous while a tragedy might be an opportunity in disguise. What is needed is not euphoric triumphalism or bemoaning but simply the ability to cope with such setbacks with grace.

A Tragic Bombing at the Somali National Theater

Another suicide bombing by the Shabab militant group occurred Wednesday at the Somali National Theater.

It appears that, the more the Shabab lose ground to the Transitional Federal Government (TFG), the more desperate the terrorist group becomes. In terrorist parlance, Wednesday’s blast targeted ‘a soft target’ for the extremist organization-- an unarmed civilian audience that was in the theater to celebrate what it saw as Mogadishu’s return to normalcy. After all, that same theater had been out of commission for over 20 years due to the civil war.

The Somali Prime Minister, Abdiwali Ali, and seven other ministers were at the theater when a female suicide bomber, strapped with explosives, detonated the bomb. The death toll was low but tragic nonetheless. Aden Yabarrow Wiish, President of the Somali Olympic Committee, and Said Mohamed Nur, Chairman of the Somali Football Federation, were among those dead.

The suicide bombing was a work of the Shabab because the terrorist group, in a Twitter message, took full responsibility for the heinous crime. “Everything was carefully planned and orchestrated,” read the message. But the Shabab claimed that the explosives had been planted in the theater in advance, hence, denying the fact that a female suicide-bomber was behind the attack. The denial is another attempt by the Shabab to conceal the fact that the militant group used a woman to execute the bombing. . The group has yet to assign its leaders to undertake these suicide bombings. It is always the poor youth who are assigned in these deadly missions.

The Prime Minister as a Primary Target
One of the main goals of the suicide mission was to take out the Prime Minister (PM) and several of his ministers. If successful, this would have effectively liquidated, for the first time, a high- profile member of the TFG. Fortunately, the attempt was unsuccessful. PM Abdiweli has been an irritating thorn in the flesh of the Shabab. Under his administration, the Shabab, once a solid front, increasingly became a tattered one, and the radical group began diminishing and retreating. One might argue that the major accomplishment of Abdiweli’s government has been the systematic eroding of the power of the Shabab which had Mogadishu a cauldron of violence. The group was eventually driven out of Mogadishu. To his credit, Abdiweli is not as ostentatious as his forerunner, Farmajo; the two are polar opposites. Abdiweli is a highly educated economist leading a battered country, and he takes a more goal-oriented approach than his predecessor. . He is not given to issuing loud proclamations nor does he engage in hectoring. He neither has Sado Ali, the famous Somali artist, singing for him nor does he receive laudatory coverage from the renowned cartoonist, Amin Amir. Perhaps, what Somalia needs at this juncture is not a politician who is adept with slogans, and powerful performance at mass rallies, but instead a leader who sets goals and follows them. The country had, for over 20 years, empty promises and dashed hopes. In essence, there had been too much focus on flamboyance and less emphasis on concrete plans with a deadline for fulfillment.

The Roadmap, though possessing generic flaws, has obviously been a glimmer of hope. There has been a semblance of agreement among some of the main Somali regions to determine the future of the national government and end the perpetual transition that the country has become accustomed to. The more there is progress seen in reconciliation among Somali regions the more the Shabab become unsettled. Any attempt to form a national government means a successful encroachment on the terrorist organization that still controls parts of the country. The TFG, for the last several months, has been busy meeting the benchmarks of the Roadmap. The draft constitution is in the throes of discussion and ultimately will be ratified by a national constitutional assembly, a new parliament is due to be sworn in June, and finally a new federal government afterwards. These benchmarks, though challenging, were unthinkable not long ago in a country that had been engulfed by civil war for many years.

Normalcy has begun to settle on Mogadishu after the expulsion of the Shabab. Many Somalis have been returning to the capital, business has been booming, and an element of optimism has been rising to the surface in the capital. But the Shabab has a long history of sketching a future of unremitting violence.
Security Breach
The recent blast exposed a glaring security breach in the Somali government. How did a suicide bomber manage to come close to the very podium on which the PM was speaking? There is no convincing explanation for that security violation. The breach was a manifestation of a chronic weakness in the government’s security apparatus. It is the same old story; a Shabab suicide-bomber makes headway in a gathering attended by cabinet ministers, and, then, boom! Two years ago, four government ministers and many graduating students met a grim fate after a terrorist detonated a bomb at Hotel Shamow. A year later, a female suicide bomber killed the former Interior Minister in his house. And now, there has been a blast at the National Theater. It is apparent that the TFG cannot sufficiently protect its officials. The security failure is an indication that every time the government takes two steps forward, it takes one step backward in insuring safety for its representatives. It is no secret that although the Shabab militants have withdrawn from Mogadishu, the group still maintains an active network of spies in the capital, and in the government circles. . Unfortunately, many Mogadishu residents, though pleased with the overall improvement of safety in the city, have come to the realization that attending public gatherings is a risky act that can mean their doom.
Conspiracy Theories Abound
The recent blast, some of the conspiracy theories profess, is the work of President Sheikh Sharif. Or the Interior Minister. Or the Mayor of Mogadishu. All three of these officials, you might notice, did not attend the gathering at the National Theater. Thus, they must be behind the blast to eliminate the PM.

It is heartbreaking to hear these preposterous claims, not from laypersons, but from some educated individuals.

The only group that has promiscuous use of suicide bombing in Somalia is the Shabab. The tactic was introduced to the country by the Shabab and it is still solely used by the group. The fact that the Shabab took full responsibility for the grisly attack at the theater makes of all these conspiracy theories ridiculous. Both the president and the mayor of Mogadishu, like most politicians, love public gatherings where they are naturally at the center stage, but none of them is stupid enough to orchestrate a criminal and violent act like the one perpetrated at the National Theater.

Fortunately, the recent blast, though tragic, is nothing but a hiccup in the slow but steady progress Somalia has recently made. Perhaps, it will provide a lesson for many that the road to progress is strewn with setbacks. The process of reforming the country, indeed, is daunting but Mogadishu residents will remain undaunted in sustaining the current positive changes.

Why Is Somaliland on a National Geographic Map?

“Sometimes the news is in the noise, and sometimes the news
is in the silence.” Thomas Friedman, Columnist with The New York Times.

***
On March 14, 2012, I received my arch copy of National Geographic magazine accompanied by a new map. The magazine’s maps are my favorite, and I immediately checked the new one titled, “The World,” with an eye on Somalia. It, interestingly, had Somaliland as a separate country. I thought that this must have been a publishing error on the part of the National Geographic Society. I am aware of very good coverage about Somaliland by the magazine not long ago and that article, in all fairness, was objective and laudable. Who can quibble about the fact that Somaliland is the most peaceful region in Somalia? But the issue of rewriting the map of Somalia is disturbing. Somaliland, with all its success and accomplishments, has yet to be recognized as an independent state.

I contacted National Geographic about the map but I have yet to receive a response.

South Sudan became an independent state last year and the National Geographic map correctly
shows this. Western Sahara, a disputed territory, is given a color different than that of Morocco, but the latter is distinctly acknowledged as having sovereignty on that territory. Taiwan is given the same color as China which simply connotes that it is part of mainland China. But there is a caveat on the map, perhaps a disclaimer, which says, “The People’s Republic of China claims

Taiwan as its 23rd province. Taiwan maintains that there are two political entities.”

There are several entities that have declared themselves as independent states. For example, the State of Palestine, Kosovo, Nagorno Karabakh, Sahrawi Arab Democratic Republic (SADR),
Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus, and Republic of South Ossetia. None of these entities have been acknowledged in the National Geographic map. Some of these entities do have recognition from some UN member-states:

1. State of Palestine:129
2.Taiwan: 22, plus the Vatican
3.Kosovo: 88
4. SADR: 84
5. South Ossetia: 5
6. Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus: 1 (Turkey)
7. Somaliland: 0

I am aware of the fact that Somaliland’s inclusion in a National Geographic map will neither
revitalize the now-stalled campaign for recognition nor will it legitimize Somalia’s gradual and self-inflicting road to dismemberment. Every month, there is a new group, or region, declaring itself as a state, although this is typically done within the context of Somalia. The world community, oddly, still wants an intact country recognized as Somalia.

I have a friend, Mohamoud Haji Abdillahi Diriye, who is a businessman in Hargeisa. I told him in Djibouti in 1991, after Somaliland had declared its independence, that no country would ever recognize the breakaway region. Mahmoud looked at me, in disappointment, and added this zinger: “Somaliland people do not care about any recognition, except the one from God.”

That was 21 years ago, and there is still no recognition of Somaliland in sight.

National Geographic is not a country but a magazine published by a non-profit organization. Its new map, though, will unnerve many Somalis who would consider it as one more slap in their face. It is, oddly, part of the daily-intake of humiliation that Somalia has been experiencing since 1991. This is a geographic mishap, perhaps, that Somalia’s TFG president Sheikh Sharif, the
former geography teacher, can tackle as he embarks on new talks with Somaliland.

Is There a "Palace Coup" in Villa Somalia?

The United Nations Special Envoy to Somalia, Ambassador Augustine Mahiga, is up in arms.

Recently, in an interview, with Somalia Report which was riddled with omissions and evasions, Mahiga intimated that there had been a new political development that Somalis ought to know. There is, according to Mahiga, a palace coup in Villa Somalia, the seat of the Somali presidency.


Who are the culprits?

“The Ala-Sheikh group,” Mahiga asserted, “is back in power, which should not be downplayed.”

The Ala-Sheikh group, according to the Ambassador, is a group of fundamentalists, anti-power sharing, anti- Roadmap, and similar to the Shabab except they do not carry arms.

Moreover, Mahiga lashed out at former PM Farmajo for attempting to stage a comeback into Somalia’s political landscape and, b) inspiring some members of the Ala-Sheikh group in forming a political forum which, incidentally, Mahiga claims came into existence when Farmajo was briefly in power.

Ambassador Mahiga, in the interview, even dropped a bombshell when he dangled the name of the International Criminal Court in a discussion about those figures in the country that are obstructing the process of peace and reconciliation. These are the people who have, according to Mahiga, “vested interests in the status quo.” These people, the good ambassador warns, “will have to protect themselves against the ICC (International Criminal Court) one day.”

The Somali conundrum will try the patience of the most seasoned diplomat. But in his interview, the ambassador will not be nominated the award for the diplomat of the year . In a frontal attack, Ambassador Mahiga squarely blamed the opportunists and naysayers for the political wrangling in Mogadishu. Farmajo and the Ala-Sheikh group, in essence, are on the forefront.

Ambassador Mahiga’s interview and the allegations he made were nor borne out of a vacuum. He is not a man given to emotional outbursts. At best, the ambassador has made these accusations with several issues in mind. First, he wants the completion of the Roadmap process without being railroaded. Second, he wants the forces that are trying to torpedo the process be exposed and stopped. Third, Mahiga was noticeably, perhaps even purposefully, sizing up his old nemeses. He wants to settle the score with Farmajo and a group of Ala-Sheikh politicians including Abdikarim Jama. To Mahiga, he is seeing the fingerprints of Farmajo in the Daljir Forum. It does not help that many of the new leaders of the Daljir Forum are, conveniently, former members of Farmajo’s cabinet.

Abdullahi Abyan Nur __ Minister of Justice and Religious Affairs
Abdirashid Khalif Hashi __ Minister of Public Works and Reconstruction
Abdikarim Jama __Minister of Information, Post, and Telecommunications

Incidentally, Dahir Mohamoud Ghelle, Chair of Daljir, was formerly the Minister of Information under PM Omar A. Sharmarke and is a current member of the parliament.

Farmajo and members of the Daljir Forum have, among other things, a common imperative; namely an opposition to the Roadmap. This convergence of interests by these two groups is what concerns Mahiga the most. Abdikarim Jama was a longtime Chief of Staff and Senior Advisor to President Sheikh Sharif when he was not serving in Farmajo’s cabinet. The two, incidentally, belong to the Ala-Sheikh group, an Islamic movement with no history of violence and radicalism.

The fact that Ambassador Mahiga is worried about Farmajo forming his own political party and, hence, is staging a comeback, must be unsettling to the UN Envoy. Regardless of how Somalis perceive Farmajo (positively or negatively), he is a Somali citizen who has the right to form his own political party. Yet, somehow, Mahiga does not hesitate to soil the man’s reputation as he paints him as ambitious and cunning.

Let me go back to the issue of the “palace coup” in Villa Somalia.

For starters, there are six Islamic movements in southern Somalia. They are the Tajamuc (commonly known as the Ala-Sheikh group), al-Ictissam (formerly al-Itihad), Islah, New Blood Islah, Ahlu Sunnah Wal-Jama, and the Shabab. Only the latter two are involved in armed combat. The Tajamuc was formed by the late Sheikh Mohamed Moalim Hassan (the father of Islamic revivalism in Somalia) and his supporters. The Islah movement is the branch of the International Muslim Brotherhood that was formed by Sheikh Mohamed Garyare and his colleagues in the late 1970s. During the emergence of the Islamic Courts Union, some members of Islah joined the courts and were expelled. These members formed the New Islah and have generally allied themselves, from time-to-time, with al- Ictissam and the Ala-Sheikh group in various political positions. Former Abdiqassim Salad Hassan was a known sympathizer of Islah whereas Sheikh Sharif, the current president, belongs to the Ala-Sheikh. These ideological affiliations by these two presidents apparently did not make them tilt their respective administrations to militancy. Each president operated in an arranged political framework.

Contrary to what Mahiga claims, there is no palace coup in Mogadishu. Sheikh Sharif is still the president of Somalia and he has yet to withdraw his support for the Roadmap. There have not been manifestations, other than the usual jockeying for power for post-August 2012, that lead us to believe that something is amiss in Villa Somalia. However, the notion that the “Ala-Sheikh group” is controlling the Somali presidency is preposterous. In the complex and complicated political situation of Mogadishu, organized groups, with the exception of the Shabab, are not as effective as one might assume. It is mostly individual political figures that shape the political process, and often these individuals act on the backdrop of clans, broadly conceived. Therefore, the Islamic groups such as the Tajamuc, al-Ictissam, New Blood Islah, and Old-Islah are not independent actors actively involved in shaping policies. There are, though, politicians who are associated with these Islamic movements who are ministers, parliamentarians, or heads of political forums.

For instance, the new political group, Daljir Forum, is depicted as an alliance between three Islamic groups (the al-Ictissam, Tajamuc, and New Blood Islah) yet the leaders heading the group are merely politicians who happen to be members of the above-mentioned movements. Dahir Mohamoud Ghelle (al-Ictissam) Abdikarim Hassan Jama (Tajamuc), Abdullahi Abyan (New Blood Islah), Hassan Moalim (Tajamuc), for instance, do not necessarily speak on behalf of their grassroots organizations. Moreover, neither the Tajamuc nor the al-Ictissam, as broad movements, have endorsed or condemned-- for that matter-- the new Daljir Forum. Simply put, Daljir Forum is, at best, a political grouping that wants to be an effective force in the political process but may (or may not) enjoy the full backing of the very groups they claim to represent. It is unlike Egypt, where the Muslim Brotherhood and al-Nour Party (Salafi) members of the parliament are politicians who owe their seats to their respective movements and, hence, are accountable to them. A good example is the Salafi parliamentarian from the al-Nour Party who, recently, had a nose job only to find himself expelled by his Party, thereby losing his parliamentary seat, because the plastic surgery he had was ‘sacrilegious’ in the eyes of his party leaders.

Somalia’s Islamic groups, one day, will come to power, as Dr. Afyare Abdi Elmi predicted in his book, Understanding the Somalia Conflagration: Identity, Political Islam, and Peacebuilding (2010), long before there was any talk of the Arab Spring. Time is on their side. The trend of Islamists coming to power has been happening in the Middle East and North Africa. However, from the time being, there are other forces that do not allow the Islamists to gain power in Somalia. For instance, the clan structure in the country and the fact that moderate Islamic groups such as the Islah, the Tajamuc, and the al-Ictissam have not fully invested themselves by becoming involving with the political process, on a full-time basis, prevent the rise of an Islamic “takeover.” In reality, these three groups are neither armed nor have the capacity to run the country. Perhaps, the recent Turkish involvement in Somalia will have an un-choreographed side effect. It will enable some of the Islamic groups to learn something from the Justice and Development Party that currently rules Turkey. Perhaps a lesson in how to be engaged with the Somali populace with a clear political platform that is based on tolerance, inclusiveness, equality, freedom of expression, and the abiding conviction that one can be voted out of office anytime.

I am sorry to break it to Ambassador Mahiga, but, to the best of our knowledge and belief, there is no palace coup in Villa Somalia. There might be a truncated view of Somalia’s moderate Islamic groups. Perhaps, there are other nefarious forces--not named the Ala-Sheikh-- that have bigger stake in making sure that the Roadmap does not succeed.

Somali Parliament: The Dysfunction Continues

Somali parliament has set a new record: four brawls in one month.

The legislators hurled chairs, punched each other, and even used pens to stab their opponents. All in the name of who would be the Speaker of the parliament.

These confrontations, apparently, seem to gain momentum every time the MPs set foot in the chamber. It is odd that an appointed parliament that has not been meeting rergularly in the first place, and hence lacked a sense of purpose, managed to gather four times in the last 30 days only to engage in scuffles. The cause of this melee is the removal of the Speaker of the parliament, Sharif Hasan Sh. Adan. One faction supported the Speaker and the other opposed him vigorously, and they succeeded in replacing him with MP Madobe Nunow.

Somali President Shaikh Sharif called for an urgent security meeting, and then later condemned the action of the parliament to remove the Speaker as “null,” and “void.” Moreover, the President lamented about the destruction of parliament furniture and equipments, and described the episode as an unfortunate event. The brawls are now under government investigation.

The fighting, according to Somalia expert Professor Afyare Abdi Elmi, is “uncalled for.” In an interview with the Toronto Star (01/05/2012), Professor Elmi pointed out the underlying issue of these brawls as being power struggle. “This is a conflict of political survival of one group against the other,” he said.

Even former Prime Minister, Mohamed Abdullahi “Farmajo,” an old nemisis of the Speaker, opined from his cubicle in the state Transportation Department in Buffalo, New York, calling the parliament’s move constitutionally sound.

But the outbreak of violence isn’t only a Somali problem. From Ukranie to Great Britain, politics can be hazardous to your health.

Dirty Rotten Eggs!

The Ukrainian parliament has seen it all: fistfights among MPs, choking, and chairs hurled. In a debate about extending the Russian navy’s lease in the Crimean port for the Black Sea Fleet-in exchange for cheaper oil- MPs got into fights which resulted in one deputy being taken away from the chamber on a stretcher with a serious head injury. One deputy had a wrist injury. Politicians had to cover their mouths due to smoke bombs in the chamber. The Speaker of the parliament had to be shielded by two of his aides, with an umbrella, to conduct business after some rotten eggs and tomatoes were thrown at him. But one deputy who is a supporter of the government denied if there was even a brawl. “The opposition hit their own heads themselves,” said the deputy.

Finally, the motion passed with 236 out of 450 votes. Russia must have felt relieved.

Bring on the Hardware!
South Korean National Assembly has a long history of skirmishes. There is a brawl there, at least, once every nine months.

Simply stated, it is a hostile working environment.

In a debate aimed at lifting restrictions on ownership of TV stations, the MPs from the opposition did what they had to do to guarantee that the proposed bill did not pass. They feared that the new bill would lead to sympathetic media coverage for the South Korean President. The opposition members physically prevented ruling party members from entering the chamber by stacking up furniture against the doors. Government supporters responded by introducing chainsaws and ‘makeshift battering rams’ to break down blocked doors. Lawmakers bellowed at each other and pummeled one other. Female lawmakers got into the scuffle and started grabbing each other by the neck.

On one occasion, opposition members used sledgehammers to pound on the doors of a committee room that was discussing a bill to ratify a trade pact with the USA. One MP used tear gas in the hall of the National Assembly. The Economist aptly called it, “South Korea: Don’t Shed a Tear.”

Don’t You Dare Use that Word
Kuwait is a small wealthy Arab emirate that has a history of stability. Though most Kuwaitis are Sunnis, there is a Shiite population in the country.

Even tiny Kuwait is represented in the Guantanamo Bay detention facility by two of its nationals. Their detention has been a major concern for Kuwaiti officials. Last year, according to Wikileaks, Kuwait’s interior minister was quoted as saying that he hoped the detainees never return to their country. But publicly, Kuwait’s foreign minister, according to AFP, had declared that his country would never abandon “its sons,” who are held in Guantanamo “without trial.”

In a parliament session in May, 2011, discussing the case of the detainees, a Shiite lawmaker, Hussein al-Qallaf, committed a faux pas when he referred the two detainees as “terrorists,” and al-Qaida radicals.

Using the loathsome expression of the “T” word was tantamount to blasphemy.

Retribution was swift.

The Sunni lawmakers responded with venom, attacked Al-Qallaf and “floored” him. The Speaker of the parliament announced a raft of sanctions, among them suspending the parliament for one month.

Violence In Italian
The Italian legislature was not the ideal place to serve in ancient Rome. After all, it was where Julius Caesar was assassinated by fellow senators led by Cassius and Brutus in 44 B.C. Caesar’s killing led to a civil war.

These days, the Italian legislators are kinder and gentler souls, compared to ancient times. Yes, they fight, from time to time, but the violence is manageable. Not long ago, the MPs used to hurl chairs at each other regularly. But today, the chairs are tightly screwed to the floors.

Several months ago, the Italian Speaker, Gianfranco Fini, 59, caused a controversy when he gave a TV interview in which he directed much of his woofing against the leader of the opposition, Umberto Bossi. At the time, parliament was debating a controversial retirement reform plan that would have increased retirement age by two years to 67. Fini, in the interview, said, “Everyone knows his wife [Bossi’s] retired at 39.”

One thing you do not do in politics is talk about your opponent’s wife, and, definitely, not her age.

There is an anecdote about two politicians who were engaged in a heated debate. One of them screamed at the other and said, “What about the powerful interest that controls you?” The other politician yelled back, “You leave my wife out of this!”

The parliament session that followed the interview was, by all measures, “molto confrontional.” Supporters of Bossi went after supporters of Fini with vengeance. They exchanged insults and punches. According to Reuters, two legislators were seen going right for the jugular by grabbing each other’s neck.

Sadly, the brawl was particularly ill-timed. There were school-children in the chamber who were brought there specifically to teach them how MPs worked.

Lesson learned.

No Shoes, Please!
When an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at visiting American President, George Bush, in a news conference in Baghdad, the incident was seen by many as the epitome of degradation. To many, the act was the defilement of everything sacred to Arab culture. Traditionally, you don’t throw your shoes at anyone, no matter how negatively the person is viewed.

But it happened.

Bush was never in danger as the Secret Service agents were close by, but, for the dramatics, he ducked the shoes and made a joke of the incident.

Well, the tradition of throwing shoes came alive again in the Afghan parliament.

In July, 2011, the parliament was debating about rocket and artillery attacks being fired from Pakistan when a female legislator, Hamida Ahmadzai, demanded that two of the country’s vice presidents be summoned. That request did not bode well with a former army general in the parliament.

That’s another female lawmaker named Nazifa Zaki.

Yes, even in Afghanistan, there are women army officers.

Zaki did not like what Ahmadzai was proposing and considered her request hostile in tone and content. She became a volcano that erupted.

Zaki stood up and threw her shoe at Ahmadzai.

But that was not enough for the army general.

She started walking in the direction of her colleague to teach her a lesson or two about “good manners.”

Ahmadzai, in fairness, did not scrimp or hide. Nor did she waft away gracefully. She threw a water bottle in the direction of Zaki. According to CNN, Zaki punched Ahmadzai once or twice in the face, and the two began to tussle.

Whereas some male legislators managed to separate the two female lawmakers, but there were others who found the incident amusing.

The episode shattered the conventional wisdom that female lawmakers do not throw punches. Indeed, they can do whatever male lawmakers can, or better.

Who said politics is boring, even in Afghanistan?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=uGtXyL_22fc

Crossing the Line
It was the famous English parliamentarian, John Bright, who said in 1865 that “England is the mother of Parliaments.” Many legislatures across the globe tried to model after the British model but, unfortunately, few have succeeded in doing so.

Members of the government party sit on one side and the opposition across them. The two factions are separated by lines and the lawmakers are required not to cross these demarcations during debates for fear they may attack each other.

For you faint-hearted, there is a reason for this division. In the founding period of the parliament, members were allowed to carry weapons into the House of Commons.

The Speaker has, through the years, admonished members of the House not to use words such as “coward,” “hooligan,” “rat,” “swine,” and “traitor.”

And the Winner is…
The Taiwanese parliamentarians are known to engage in fistfights when things go sour. It appears to be a political culture that has no space for compromise. There are some politicians who are programmed by rage.

Strike that.

Some lawmakers are prone to rages. They are passionate about their positions and are willing to demonstrate that in action.

According to Foreign Policy, these lawmakers “don’t just oppose one another, they despise each other. Indeed, they have a greater tradition in fistfights in the halls of government than cooperating on policy.” In other words, it is a world of, “an utter and acrimonious political stalemate.”

There are, of course, some cynics who think that these brawls are staged “publicity stunts.”

But that is not the whole picture. The Taiwanese parliament, better known as, the Legislative Yuan, must be doing something positive. At least, it won the Ig Nobel Peace Awards.

Ig Nobel Peace Prize is an annual award that is given for the purpose of making “first people laugh and then make them think.” It is the anti-Nobel Peace Prize.

The Legislative Yuan was presented the prize for “demonstrating that politicians gain more by punching, kicking, and gouging each other than by waging war against other nations.”
***
Back to Somalia, the brawls among Somali legislators aren’t all bad. The good news is nobody has been killed.

Years ago, Somali politicians would have murdered each other rather than disagree on a political position. But today, they can only hurt each other with the pens they hold in their hands.

Dr. Ahmed Haji Abdirahman: An Obituary

“He was sweet, gentle, and meticulous.” ___An Arab journalist eulogizing his fallen colleague.
***
On December 5, 2011, two masked assailants killed Dr. Ahmed Haji Abdirahman, an educator and well-known religious scholar, in Bossaso, Somalia. The assassins shot him seven times.

Ahmed Haji Abdirahman was born in Galkacayo in 1958. His father, a successful businessman, was a member of Somalia’s first parliament after independence.

I knew Dr. Ahmed when we were both teenagers in Mogadishu during the 1970s. He was attending an all-Arabic high school run by the Egyptian government, Jamal Abdinassir, and I was attending Benadir Secondary School, where English was the language of instruction. Ahmed and I were both bookish and we had one thing in common: our love of the Arabic language. We shared books and discussed the writings of literary figures such as Dr. Taha Hussein. I still remember Ahmed reciting the first paragraph of Taha Hussein’s seminal autobiography, al-Ayyam (The Days) by heart while walking in the streets of Shingani. We would tease each other by speaking in Egyptian dialect. Of course, Ahmed spoke better Arabic than me, but that did not dissuade him from treating me as his equal. During the summer when schools were closed, Ahmed would visit his relatives in Galkacayo and its rural areas, and would share his exotic experiences with me, upon his return to Mogadishu. His stories provided me the greatest diversion, especially since, as a Mogadishu resident, I had nowhere else to go when the school was out.

During the turbulent period of the 1970s, Ahmed and I served on the executive committee of the al-Ahl Student movement. He was 18 years old, two years my senior, when we were entrusted with that responsibility. Ahmed was in that position, not because his brother-in-law (Abdulkhadir Sh. Mohamoud) was the group’s leader, but because he possessed strong leadership and intellect. Moreover, he enjoyed the respect and admiration of most of the members of the committee.

Ahmed read widely and, when he spoke, he would salt his conversations with jokes and lively anecdotes. He was friendly and energetic, a perfect combination of calmness and humility. He had the pedigree of activism. Ahmed’s older sister, Maryan Haji, was a perennial student leader, and their home, near Via Roma, was a warm and welcoming place for student leaders. Ahmed’s father- before he passed away in early 1970s- was a longtime close friend of the late Sheikh Mohamed Moalim Hassan. The latter was a regular visitor of Ahmed’s family home.

During the late 1970s, Ahmed and a group of activists joined the military in order to serve as officers. Initially, the recruits received their training at Jaalle Siyad Military Academy before some of the top recruiters were sent to the Soviet Union, Italy, Egypt, Iraq, and Sudan respectively. The first few weeks of boot camp were challenging for many of the young recruits, but Ahmed finished at the head of his class. I can still recall Ahmed’s face, wearing his thick glasses, gesturing with both hands, and relishing the chance to share with me and others the comic side of his boot camp experience. The recruits, Ahmed would say, were constantly taunted by a sergeant, whom they had nick-named “Ha-Liqin,” (Swallow not) who would interrupt and taunt them during meal times as they were gobbling down greasy rice or spaghetti. Ahmed was later sent to Iraq, for further military training. He and a mutual friend, Ali Yusuf Nur, stopped by in Cairo, when I was there, and on their way to Iraq. Both Ahmed and Ali left me a picture for remembrance of their visit. Ahmed returned to Somalia in 1980 after completing his training. After a year, he resigned from the armed forces and went to Saudi Arabia for religious training. I last saw Ahmed in December 1981 (30 years ago) in Makkah, Saudi Arabia, when I was there for a brief visit. We met at the house of his brother-in-law, Abdulkhadir, who, like Ahmed, was enrolled at Umul Quraa University. Ahmed stayed in Saudi Arabia to obtain his B.A, M.A and doctorate in Islamic studies. In 1999, Ahmed returned to Somalia and became the Vice Chair of the University of Horn of Africa in Bossasso.

During the 1990s, Ahmed was one of few scholars who were emphatically opposed to the armed skirmishes between Colonel Abdullahi Yusuf and a group of Islamists in Puntland. Ahmed saw the formation of an armed Islamic militia group, in a country going through civil war and unrest, as unwise and counter-productive. He was part of the Somali Ulama Council, led by Sh. Bashir Ahmed Salad Warsame, who declared last year that there was no “Jihad,” in Somalia. The ruling of the council infuriated the Al-Shabab militants who had always maintained that they were waging a legitimate and just war, and hence the “Jihad,” against the Transitional Federal Government (TFG) and the African troops stationed in Mogadishu. Ahmed’s moderate views brought him to daggers with the Al-Shabab. Ahmed and his colleagues were portrayed by the militant group as “sell-outs,” “CIA agents,” and “heretics.” To Ahmed, Somalia needed peaceful measures to restore order instead of spreading it through murder and mayhem.

The assassination of Dr. Ahmed was neither the works of the Ethiopian government nor that of Puntland Security Intelligence (PSI). These two entities could have harmed Ahmed long ago as he had lived peacefully in Puntland for many years and was working there as a professor. On many occasions, Dr. Ahmed had received death threats from anonymous callers who would ask him to disassociate himself from both the TFG and Puntland government. The Al-Shabab group’s Amniyaat (a very secretive branch under the command of Ahmed Godane and in charge of intelligence and assassinations) was, indeed, behind the killing of Dr. Ahmed H. Abdirahman. Dr. Ahmed represented everything that was anathema to the militant group- moderation, tolerance, and accentuating change through education. The Al-Shabab is a group where a culture of violence is rooted in its milieu. The terrorist group has been wreaking havoc in Somalia. They knew they could not engage in a debate with Dr. Ahmed Haji in an open forum. Instead, they chose to silence him forever with an AK-47. Fortunately, Dr. Ahmed has left behind a legacy, as many still listen to his taped-lectures, and his collection of educational videos is widely watched. His killers, on the other hand, have shown their atrocity by leaving a trail of destruction. Not long ago, the Al-Shabab militants killed Dr. Abdullahi Addow, a well-known educator and former Minister of Education, along with many students, during a graduation ceremony in Mogadishu. Dr. Ahmed is the latest victim of Al-Shabab’s secret and dark policy of “Is-Qaadi al-Rumuuz wa Qadci al- Ru’uus.” (Downing [prominent] symbols and cutting off heads.” May God bless the soul of D. Ahmed Haji Abdirahman.

Spouses in Crisis: Are You Serious?

When two people get married, they do so thinking that they will stay toghether for a long time. But since humans are not perfect, things happen that could lead to discord and, in many times, bitter divorce. The following are cases that appear to be funny and tragic at the same time.

Say What!
There is a popular anecdote among Somalis in the US about a woman, with limited English, who had tried desperately to dissolve her marriage. She went to the court and told a judge, “I want to open my husband.” The judge was perplexed and asked the lady to repeat what she had said. “Well, I want to open my husband,” she repeated. When asked why she wanted to open her husband, she replied, “because he cut off my leg.” The judge, who was already confused about “opening” the husband (how do you open a husband anyway?) became concerned about the allegations of “cutting off a leg.”’ What seemed a civil matter was beginning to morph into a criminal case. Someone did explain to the judge that the woman wanted to divorce her husband because he had caused her so much trouble. The word “Fur” in Somali means either “open” or “divorce”. Moreover, “lugooyo” literally means “to cut off a leg” but it also is an idiomatic expression for causing mischief.

Take My Wife…Please
Criminals rob banks because that is where the money is. Right? Not so to an American man in Ephrata, Pennsylvania, who apparently had a secret agenda. The man robbed a bank with BB gun, demanded money, and then asked the teller to call the authorities. Bank employees were baffled by the man’s odd behavior. He remained in the bank, instead of fleeing with the cash, and he kept inquiring about the police. “Are they coming soon?” he kept asking. He was, in essence, anxious to see the police get there and arrest him. They did. In court, the man admitted robbing the bank but said that he had an ulterior motive. He wanted to get away from his overbearing wife. The man claimed that his wife had threatened to commit suicide if he ever left her. He was looking for a place where he would have no contact with her. Well, he finally got his wish. The judge sentenced him three to six years. That guaranteed that the two would not see other for a long time. The wife, understanably, divorced him and, to his dismay, did not end her lfe. She must have thought that her husband’s story was a product of his fertile imagination. He was, indeed, a master of theatrical over-reaction.

The Tell-tale Sign of Deceit
Cheaters, by nature, are said to brag about their exploits to their friends. But a Chinese man in Chongqing was tightlipped about the fact that he had a thing for women who were not his wife. His undoing, though, was the parrot in his house. According to Xinmin Evening News, the man’s wife came back home after a month-long journey. Immediately, she sensed something was wrong with her husband. The husband did not display the normal acts of a cheater; meticulous and new excessive personal grooming, too much time on the phone, coming home late, etc. No, he was acting normal. It was, interestingly, the family bird that piqued her curiosity. The parrot started picking up new words during her absence. It kept repeating, “I love you,” “divorce,” and “be patient.” The wife knew her parrot well-enough to suspect that her husband had a mistress and, hence, was cheating on her. She immediately filed for divorce, thinking that the bird’s revelations would be sufficient grounds for dissolving the marriage. She was disappointed when she was informed that the bird’s testiomony would be inadmissable in a court of law.

Annals of Vindictiveness

Dr. Richard Batista, a surgeon, and his wife, Dawnelle, were living a lavish life in Long Island, New York. The couple had three children but their marriage became rocky after the wife developed a kidney ailment. Their relationship, once cordial and loving, suddenly became toxic. But then something happened that changed everything. Dr. Batista decided to donate his kidney to his ailing wife. How special! Dawnelle’s father and brother had previously donated their kidneys but her body rejected their organs. Amazingly, Dr. Batista’s kidney was perfect for her and she recovered. What seemed to be the most romantic gift a husband can give to his wife turned out to be a source of tension. Something went dreadfully wrong. About 18 to 24 months after the surgery, Downelle, according to court documents, started having an affair. Dr. Batista was devastated. How could she do that to him? Didn’t he give her part of himself. What an ingrate, Dr. Batista thought. He filed for divorce. Instead of asking for the milion-dollar home the couple shared, Dr. Batista --are you ready for this?-- demanded his kidney back. His kidney! “I want my kidney back,” Dr. Batista declared. The case had all the ingredients of a media circus. But can a transplanted kidney be removed from a woman just because her husband had a change of heart? After realizing that there was no chance of his wife giving his kidney back (Come on, Dr. Batista, you are a surgeon. You know better!), the good doctor, instead, asked for $1.5 million. Where did he get that figure? Well, according to the doctor’s lawyer, that’s the going-rate for a kidney in the black market. Oh, I see.

Honey, Where Are You?
The first divorce case related to the 9-11 tragedy was filed in New York in 2001 by a woman who accused her husband of infidelity. The husband, who had an office on the 103rd floor of the World Trade Center, was nowhere to be seen during that horrific day. Perhaps, he was a victim of the terrorist attack? No, that can’t be. Apparently, the man turned off his cell phone, spent the morning with his girlfriend, and -- to add insult to injury-- did not know about the terrorist attack because he did not watch the TV. At 11 AM, he finally turned on the phone and found his nervous-wreck wife on the line: “Are you OK? Where are you?” Annoyed, the man answered, “What do you mean? I am in my office, of course.”

All You Can Eat!
The legendary Halac Dheere, in Somali folklore, was best known for his ravenous appetite. His unconventional table manners, needless to say, would have made Emily Post, the renowned expert on etiquette, cringe with goose pumps. Halac would have had a strong following among proponents of the Atkins Diet (high protein and low carb) but he sure would have had difficulty getting along with a certain American woman. The woman in question filed for divorce because she said her husband was eating too much. What does that have to do with their marriage? By eating too much, the woman claimed, her husband was committing a crime. Actually, the woman went even further when she said that she did not want to be an accomplice to her husband’s commission of a crime. This is what happens when you only eat all the food you can SEE! Did I say ‘see’ or ‘sea’ food’? Whatever!

I am Bored
A German woman was anything but grateful. She felt trapped in what she called “an unhappy marriage,” because her husband --get this--worked for the family, cooked, and cleaned. “I have become irrelevant,” she told the judge. “There is nothing for me to do.” Perhaps, a class on time management would have helped her.

A Poet’s Dilemma
Qamaan Bulhan was a talented Somali poet who spoke on behalf of his people against the incendiary tirade of equally-talented poet- Ali Duuh, in the famous Guba series. Bulhan once had a domestic issue that troubled him immensely. According to Somali artist, Mahmoud Abdullahi “Sangub”, Qamaan Bulhan one day came back from a trip to an empty house. His wife, Barni Sh. Abdille, was long gone. When Bulhan inquired about her whereabouts, he was shocked to find that she had left him for good. She voided their marriage because Bulhan was not offering daily prayers. Initially, she had consulted with clerics who belonged to Shaikh Abbayoonis lineage. These clerics told Barni that they had no ground to nullify her marriage. Then, she went to other clerics who belonged to Reer Aw Nuuh (Abasguul) lineage, and they ruled the marriage null and void. Bulhan was informed about what had transpired during his absence, and became infuriated and distraught. After a short period, Barni and Bulhan reconciled. One day, Bulhan came to his house and saw a group of clerics meditating. They were his guests. He asked them about their lineage. The roving clerics, who normally were a collage of various clan members, refused to identify themselves other than calling themselves “Ikhwan” (brothers). Bulhan insisted on knowing their clans but they refused to heed to his demand. He did not want to relive the nightmare of losing his wife again simply because a cleric said so. He also did not want the clerics besmirching his reputation. Bulhan recited a poem in which he chronicled his mistrust and animosity to clerics who dispensed fatwas (religious edicts) with impunity. In one line of the poem, Bulhan said, “Abbayoonis mooyee, wadaad eegato nahaye.” (Except Abbayoonis, we are on the lookout for clerics).

A Friend’s Escape Clause
Speaking of prayers, a friend on the East Coast told me several years ago that she was getting divorced from her then-new husband. The couple had gotten married but was not yet living together. Her “blink-and-you-missed-it marriage”, as she mockingly called it, caused some tremors. “He wants me to dress modestly,” she angrily told me. Then, she went on and argued that the issue, in her humble opinion, was not about religion but, rather, about control. The husband, she believed, to put it plainly, wanted to control her and dictate to her how she looked and dressed. Then she dropped a bombshell. “This is the same man,” she said with sarcastic glee, “who wants me to dress modestly when he himself does not even offer one of the five pillars of Islam (prayers).” Ouch. That hurts!

Your Body Is Beautiful
A Somali imam from a well-known center in the Midwest was visiting Kansas when I met him over dinner in a friend’s home two years ago. I took the opportunity to ask him what kind of social problems Somalis were facing in his state. He told me about a woman who had come to see him complaining about her husband. The imam was used to hearing all kinds of stories but not the one this lady told him. She wanted to get divorced from her husband because he had the peculiar habit of shedding his clothes once he got home. Let me clarify; all his clothes. “I can’t live with a nudist,” the woman retorted.

The imam appealed to the husband to change his odious behavior but to no avail. The husband was not interested in the type of modesty the imam was preaching. The couple, who did not have children, finally got divorced. Then, two years later, the same woman came to the imam -- this time, though, she was complaining about her new husband. Apparently, the new husband was endowed with a great body (more like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I assume) but he had an annoying habit of covering himself up with long-sleeve shirts at home. Obviously, the man was shy. Is something wrong with that? Not to his wife. “I told him to wear short-sleeve shirts or tee-shirts because he has such a beautiful body,” the woman told the imam. “But he would not listen to me.” The imam sardonically described the wife as being, well, a person of extremes! Eventually, the couple got divorced but for reasons that had nothing to do with the science of the husband’s body.

Can He?
And finally, in a California court, a feeble 70-year old man was brought to court. He was charged with attempted sexual assault through the use of force, and attempted sexual conduct through use of force against his 65-year old wife. The charges prompted titters and gasps in the courtroom. The case either seemed sheer idiocy or perversion of the law. The poor elderly man appeared sick and had difficulty walking straight. Could he have inflicted sexual harm on his spouse? This must have been a mistake. Maybe the elderly man tried to hit his wife with his cane! Not so, according to the government. Someone, however, had crudely suggested to the prosecutor to amend the charges to --are you still with me? -- “assault with a DEAD weapon.” This must be a joke? Right!