How Boredom Kills Marriages

A friend recently told me how a group of about two dozen Somali women, recently gathered over food and drink at a funeral in southern California, began discussing marriage in their local community.

The conversation started when one woman asked why so many Somali men return home to Africa and marry younger women when they already have a wife and family in the United States.

One woman, married to a Somali businessman, explained how she had been a loving and devoted wife. When her husband announced he was traveling to Kenya to visit his older sister, she ignored her instincts and believed him. Even though he had not seen his sister for eight years.

When he returned home, he told his wife he had married an old friend. The new wife would never set foot in the United States, where it is illegal to have more than one spouse, he said.

“What good does his assurance do for me? I still have to share my husband with another woman in Africa,” said the woman, according to my friend.

Divorce was not an option for the woman, who did not speak English, because she relied on her husband for financial support.

“As wives,” another woman asked, “are we doing our jobs?”

Subsequent conversation ranged from condemning Somali men for being disloyal and unreliable — “nin abaal ma leh” or “men are ungrateful” — to defending the men and exploring other causes for their departure. Either way, the diagnosis was not good: Marriages are faltering, spouses are neglecting each other, and boredom is setting in.

Somalis are not alone. Some psychologists say boredom is more corrosive to a relationship than tension and conflict.

In a 2009 study, Irene Tsapelas, a social psychology researcher at the State University of New York at Stony brook, and her colleagues followed more than 120 couples who had applied for a marriage license in Wayne County, Michigan. The couples were interviewed about their relationships after seven years and again after 16 years. According to a university press release, couples were asked, “During the past months, how often did you feel that your marriage was in a rut (or getting into a rut), that you do the same thing all the time and rarely get to do exciting things together as a couple?”

The key finding, researchers reported, was boredom with marriage at Year 7 predicted a greater decrease in satisfaction in Year 16. Lack of boredom at Year 7 led to a small decrease in satisfaction later, but it did not lead to increased boredom over the next nine years.

My friend said several of the Somali women attending the funeral admitted that they do not spend enough quality time with their spouses.

“Frankly, we spend so much time taking care of the children and household chores that we rarely pay attention to our men,” said one woman.

Others agreed.

“I watch the TV at night until midnight, long after my husband has gone to bed,” said one woman. “The poor guy has to get up early to go to work while I sleep until late in the morning.”

But another accused Somali men of being unromantic and selfish.

“Intimacy, according to many of our men, is a one-way street,” she said. “As women, we are mostly observers. It is like watching the same bad movie over and over again.”

What is clear is that it takes two. To curb boredom, noted anthropology expert and author Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, suggests three things: Marry the right person, be intimate on a regular basis, and share an activity or hobby together. And do it sooner rather than later.

According to Time magazine study in 2011, it is actually in the third year that couples begin to complain about their partner’s quirks and annoying habits and the compliments flow less often. If newlyweds complement each other an average of three times a week, that number falls to once a week after three years of marriage, the study showed. Thirty percent of those married for five years or more reported receiving no compliments at all.

Loss of intimacy, too, begins to erode a relationship. Couples married fewer than three years have sex an average of three times a week, according to 52% of the Time survey respondents, and only 16% said the same after being married longer than three years.

Daily routine and boredom kill marriages because relationships need constant nourishment. The important thing to remember, however, is that decline or divorce is not inevitable.  

Stony Brook researchers recommended in their conclusions that married couples have a date night, every week, in which they do something together that they have never (or rarely) done before. It should be enjoyable and exciting, according to their report.

“It is not enough for couples to be free of problems and conflicts,” noted one researcher from the Stony Brook study.

The take-home message of this research is that to maintain high level of marital quality over time, couples also need to make their lives together exciting.

                                                        

The South-West State: Annals of Corruption

Much hope has been pinned on the new South-West regional state (SW) becoming an integral part of the remaking of a strong federal system in Somalia. The SW’s interim government is headed by Sharif Hassan, former speaker of the Somali parliament. He has had a reputation for being cunning, smart, unscrupulous and ambitious. Since his election as president of SW on November 17, 2014, Sharif Hassan has lived up to his reputation. He is bent on making the regional state his fiefdom. In essence, he is presiding over a regional administration that is replete with graft, favoritism, and unhinged ambition.

Nepotism

Sharif Hassan, like a mafia boss, has entrusted key government positions to his close relatives. The most prominent figure is the president’s half-brother, Mohamed Haji Abdinur, better known as “Madeer,” who ostensibly serves as a political advisor. However, Madeer’s responsibilities are much more extensive than his actual title indicates. On July 12, 2013, a report by the United Nations Monitoring Group for Somalia and Eritrea accused Madeer of a being a “spoiler” to peace when he had allegedly threatened to kill members of the Digil/Mirifle clan if they demonstrated against Sharif Hassan. Madeer, a naturalized American citizen from Minnesota, has set new standards for loyalty to his brother.

President Sharif Hassan has also nominated his nephew, Mohamed Abdullahi Mursal, as State Minister for Presidency. Mursal is a graduate of local schools and has neither government experience nor background in business. He has been the gatekeeper for his uncle. Mursal exercises immense power in the state government. He occasionally chairs cabinet meetings when his uncle is traveling (which is most of the time); he has usurped the powers of the minister of planning, has sole responsibility for all contacts and relations with international organizations and countries, and oddly, has the overall responsibility over the ministry of finance. In other words, Mursal technically oversees the ministries of planning, international cooperation, and finance. As one source told this writer, “Mursal, in essence, is in charge of all the ministries.”

Another nephew of President Sharif Hassan, Bashir Fircoon, is in charge of tenders, the rebuilding of all public institutions of the state. These rebuilding projects will be funded mainly through the Somali Stability Fund.

Revenue Collection

Sharif Hassan has been in office for only five months. Many parts of the SW have been liberated from Al-Shabaab. Despite many challenges faced by the state, it is one of the most resourceful regions in Somalia, with a lot of potential for massive economic development. Unfortunately, Sharif Hassan has started his rule by mismanaging resources. For instance, the president, on many occasions, was advised by learned and concerned citizens to modernize the tax collection system, but to no avail. Suggestions that taxes be collected electronically, something prevalent in Somalia, were also rebuffed. Taxes are collected in the old fashioned way and the revenues are misappropriated.

For instance, the Afgooye checkpoint is a major revenue source for the state. On a daily basis, about $15,000 to $20,000 are collected. About 10% goes to the district, 60% to the four armed militias in Lower Shabelle (two Habar Gidir, one Abgaal and one Wacdaan), only $1,500 goes to the ministry of finance, and the remaining balance goes to an account controlled by president Sharif Hassan and his relatives, who are the only ones with access to these funds. Ironically, according to some state ministers, neither government employees nor even state ministers have yet been paid salaries. The monthly proceeds of the Afgooye checkpoint alone could enable the SW government to add 400 and 500 men to the police force to maintain order in the entire region. To add insult to injury, President Sharif Hassan has told the ministers to either ask their respective clans to buy them the vehicles needed for their official use or pay for it themselves.

The SW state taxes khat (a mild stimulant plant) importers and the poor women who sell it in the streets.  However, the actual amount of revenue is known only to a few people close to the president.

A confidential source has said that Sharif Hassan has granted a contract to Ibrahim Hassan Buulle, a businessman, to manage all the airports in the SW and to oversee the collection of taxes. Interestingly, there has been no announcement or public bidding for the said contract. Buulle simply reached an agreement with Sharif Hassan. It is not known if Buulle has the experience or the capacity to undertake such projects.

Relations with the Federal Government

There is a symbiotic relationship between the Somali Federal Government (SFG) and President Sharif Hassan. Mogadishu views SW as a reliable ally, unlike Puntland and Jubbaland. Sharif Hassan, though, has his own agenda which is to become president of all Somalia. The first steps to accomplish that goal were the appointment of a gargantuan cabinet (29 ministers, 6 state ministers and 13 deputy ministers) that included tribes that normally do not reside in the SW, and the disfranchisement of some indigenous clans. One tribal leader from the region aptly put it this way: “It is all about the 2016 elections.” Sharif Hassan needs the support of the Digil/Mirifle and at least one other major clan in order for him to have a chance in the elections. Incidentally, only three women (one minister, one state minister and one deputy minister) were appointed in that bloated cabinet out of 48, roughly 1.44%.

Until the elections next year, the SW president will turn his eyes away from interference by the SFG into his region. For instance, the SFG interior minister has recently appointed a mayor for Afgooye. To the surprise of many in the SW, Sharif Hassan has yet to issue a statement about this blatant encroachment on his sphere of control.

On the other hand, Sharif Hassan has been trying his best to influence the SFG. He has demanded that he be consulted regarding the appointments of federal officials. There are key Somali ambassadors (Turkey being one of them) that he has been instrumental appointing them since the government of President Sheikh Sharif Sheikh Ahmed. He has made clear to Villa Somalia, the seat of government, that he is the one who should be consulted about the needs and concerns of the Digil/Mirifle, not speaker Mohamed Jawari.

Sharif Hassan is not yet done flexing his muscles in the SW. He has floated the idea that the proposed state assembly for the SW include 32 extra members that only he can handpick. Moreover, he has been in negotiations with Ahmed Madobe, President of Jubbaland, in selecting the Digil/Mirefle representatives for the Jubbaland assembly.

It is notable that Sharif Hassan was a member of the federal parliament before his election as head of the SW. He succeeded in having his own son replace him as a legislator.

In a nutshell, according to a cabinet minister in the SW, “If there is a specter haunting the South-West, it is Sharif Hassan.”  He added, “The man is demonstratively dangerous.”  

 

Will ISIS Woo Al-Shabaab into the Fold?

Boko Haram’s recent pledge of allegiance to ISIS, the first by a Sub-Saharan jihadi group, has raised questions about another African group — Al-Shabaab. Will the Somali militant group follow suit and join ISIS, too?

According to recent reports, a major debate has been brewing in the radical group regarding as whether to join ISIS or not. Unlike Boko Haram, Al-Shabaab has a sizable representation of foreign jihadists in its rank and file. Moreover, Al-Shabaab is an official affiliate of Al-Qaeda central.

One faction within Al-Shabaab, led by the new emir, Ahmed Diriye “Abu Ubaidah,” wants to stick with Al-Qaeda. This group perhaps is turned off by ISIS’ flamboyant leader, Abubakar al-Baghdadi, and his claims of being the caliph of all Muslims. Moreover, many Salafi scholars have also condemned ISIS followers as heretics.

However, another faction, spearheaded by Mahad Karate, the deputy emir, wants to abandon Al-Qaeda and join ISIS due to Al-Qaeda’s shrinking role — if not absence — from the theater of global jihad. Proponents of this faction argue that Al-Qaeda has done little to help Al-Shabaab and in fact criticized Al-Shabaab leaders for their constant bickering and the mistreatment of foreign jihadists. In essence, Al-Qaeda is seen by some members as meddlesome. To this camp, ISIS is the real deal because it is fully involved in jihad, controls territory, and is the main narrative of global jihad. Most of all, ISIS is loaded with funds. Furthermore, unconfirmed reports suggest that some foreign jihadists in Al-Shabaab, who are sympathetic toward ISIS, have been threatened by the pro Al-Qaeda group through a series of text messages.

Al-Shabaab’s internal debate about ISIS is a products of the following recent developments:

1.      The group has been beset by dissent, loss of key leaders, and a spate of defections. The militant group is essentially suffering from a leadership crisis and, hence, is seeking outside answers. Ahmed Abdi Godane, the late emir of the group, was forceful enough to guide the movement to Al-Qaeda partly because he had been to Afghanistan and experienced jihad as exemplified by Bin Laden and his followers. It was Godane and a few Afghan jihad veterans who steered Al-Shabaab to Al-Qaeda when some of their Somali colleagues were reluctant to do so. Godane has been replaced by Ahmed Diriye “Abu Ubaidah”, who, though committed to Al-Qaeda, lacks charisma and much influence in the movement. The real power lies in his deputy, Mahad Karate, who is said to be committed to reinventing Al-Shabaab by aligning it with the new phenomenon of ISIS. This could also be a desperate attempt by Karate and his minions to make Al-Shabaab, once again, relevant in global jihad.

2.      Al-Shabaab has been in retreat for the last few months. According to the AU Special Representative to Somalia, Ambassador Maman Sidikou, Al-Shabaab has lost 80% of the territory it once controlled. While ISIS is on the rise in the global jihad, Al-Shabaab has been in decline. Al-Shabaab is now cornered in the Lower Juba in the south of Somalia and has shifted to a hit-and-run strategy. The group has been degraded but not completely defeated. In a way, it is like a slowly dying beast—weakened yet still capable of inflicting considerable damage. Accordingly, the possibility of merging with ISIS may be seen by some members as a lifeline.

3.      The recent events in Yemen have brought more bad news to Al-Shabaab as the dynamics of power shifted when the Houthis — a Shiite movement — captured Sana’a, the capital, and Al-Bayda, two Al-Qaeda strongholds in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP). Al-Shabaab’s ties to Al-Qaeda central have been primarily through the channels of AQAP, which is now in an existential war with the Houthis.

What would it portend if Al-Shabaab were to join ISIS?

Boko Haram’s pledge of allegiance to ISIS is ambiguous. Is it purely a propaganda ploy by the Nigerian group? Does it mean the group will get financial, arms, and technical assistance from ISIS? There are reports that ISIS has trained some members of Boko Haram and has actually lent a helping hand in improving Boko Haram’s Twitter account.

For Al-Shabaab, an ISIS alliance might bring a financial windfall as the militant group has lost its main source of revenue, the coastal city of Baraawe. The group can also benefit from an infusion of fighters diverted from ISIS. Because getting to Syria and Iraq is becoming increasingly difficult for jihadists who want to join ISIS, Al-Shabaab and Boko Haram might be the immediate beneficiaries of that jihadi pipeline. In fact, the ISIS spokesman, Abu Mohamed al-Adnani, when welcoming Boko Haram’s allegiance, called for global jihadists to migrate to Nigeria and join Boko Haram.

Al-Shabaab, once a main attraction for global jihadists, might suddenly become reinvigorated if it joins ISIS. The Somali outfit at least has one colorful ally in ISIS, the notorious executioner Mohammad Emwazi, better known as “Jihadi John”, who sparked global outrage by beheading several Western hostages held by ISIS. It has been reported that he admires Al-Shabaab and allegedly tried to join the group on a safari trip in Tanzania but was foiled by the authorities. More importantly, “Jihadi John” had shown videotapes of Al-Shabaab to some of ISIS’ Western hostages. Given the precarious nature of Al-Shabaab in Somalia, an alliance with ISIS may not be out of the equation.

(Reprinted with permission from Sahan Journal, March 19, 2015).

A German Mom's Anguish Over Her Son in Somalia

Michaela Muller is weak and plagued by constant worry, sleepless nights, and depression.

“Doctors can’t help me,” she says.

She and her husband are in their home country, Germany, but their son Andreas (“Andy”) Martin Muller, his Eritrea-born wife, and their nine-year-old daughter, are still missing after disappearing in the summer of 2011. They are believed to be in Somalia.

Andy converted to Islam in 1999 and is believed to be with the Al-Shabaab group.

“My son went to Somalia for his daughter’s sake,” insists Michaela. “He wanted her to live in a Muslim society.”

Michaela does not believe her son is a terrorist. “He is not the fighting type,” she says, “and has never even touched a weapon. He wouldn’t kill a fly.” Before Andy left for Germany in 2011, he was a clean-living, law-abiding citizen with no criminal record and no history of violence.

However, in 2012 and 2013, Andy was the subject of two massive police hunts in Kenya and Uganda, and was reported to have sneaked in these countries to engage in acts of terror. “The Kenyan police has cause to believe that this man [Andy] has information about the activities of Al-Shabaab,” a police statement said.

Then, in the fall of 2013, after Al-Shabaab’s devastating attack on the Westgate Mall in Nairobi, Kenyan police named Andy and British-born Samantha Lewthwaite, best known as “The White Widow,” as their main suspects. The police would later backtrack from that assessment. Four gunmen were involved in the attack and they all died. The Kenyan authorities also arrested and charged four Somalis in Eastleigh for providing material support to the attackers. 

Andy subsequently phoned Michaela and strongly denied any involvement in the terror attack. “Mummy, it is not true,” he said. “Don’t believe it.” Moreover, according to Michaela, Andy was in Somalia on the day of the attack and had called her twice. “He was shocked,” says Michaela.

Michaela still remembers her son’s serene childhood growing up in the German state of North Rhine-Westphalia. “Andy played the trombone in our church until he turned 19,” she reminisces. He had an upbeat personality and “to everybody, he was the most loved, sweet little boy.” Michaela says he always had the best grades in school.   

Andy’s conversion to Islam sent shockwaves through the family, especially as he had been raised in a tight-knit, Christian household. However, his parents accepted his choice of religion and were very understanding. He started calling himself Ahmed Khalid Muller and decided to leave Germany and live in a Muslim country. His parents could not understand why their son would leave his native country where many Muslims — Germans and immigrants — live together peacefully.

Sometime in September 2011, after unsuccessfully trying to emigrate to Bosnia and the United Arab Emirates, Andy entered Somalia with his wife and daughter through Kenya’s porous border. No one has heard of the family’s whereabouts. It is as they have fallen off the radar, his mother explains. It is still unclear why Andy entered Somalia and whether his intention was to settle peacefully there or pursue a darker agenda. He might be in the Lower Juba, the only region in the country where Al-Shabaab is in control.

The most heartbreaking moment for Michaela was when she spoke to her granddaughter. The little girl asked her if she could “come and see her” in Somalia. It was an emotionally wrenching phone call for Michaela who heard that her granddaughter had developed malaria pout in Somalia and was treated by a traditional medicine man with honey and plants. The thought of her grandchild living in a small village or in the bushes with no modern amenities still terrifies Michaela.

Michaela worries constantly of her son and his family. Every time a drone strikes Somalia, she becomes consumed with fear, and Andy’s continuous presence in Somalia has her in emotional handcuffs. “Since September, 2011, I have been suffering day and night,” she says. “I wait and sit holding my mobile phone, but it never rings.” She confesses that she often despairs of seeing Andy again, and doesn’t know how to deal with it. “Sometimes, I feel I should die during the night and never wake up again,” she adds.

As a child, Michaela wanted to visit Somalia: “A beautiful land, with wonderful people and the most beautiful women on the globe.” She respects and admires Islam and has read about it extensively.  She once challenged Andy on why he was defying his parents and being unkind and inconsiderate to them when Islam teaches that paradise is under the feet of mothers. His response was immediate and brutal: “You are Kaffir (infidel) — that is the difference.” Michaela knows Andy is wrong and misguided. She says her son has been brainwashed. “Al-Shabaab people have nothing to do with the wonderful religion of Islam,” she says. 

Michaela, her husband, and Andy’s friends just want him back home. “Andy holds a special place in my heart,” says Michaela. “Every day, I ask God to give me back Andy, my granddaughter — my loving little sunshine — and her mom.”

A Tribute to Said Samatar

The passing of Professor Said Samatar, 71, was sad and sudden.

I never met the good professor in person, but we had exchanged several emails.  I was very familiar with his research and books. In fact, his book, Oral Poetry and Somali Nationalism: The Case of Sayid Mahammad Abdille Hassan (Cambridge, 1982), is perhaps one of the best books ever written on the role of poetry as a tool to gain and maintain political power in the Somali society. 

 

Samatar’s writing, sometimes hilarious, mostly insightful, made the reader ponder and laugh heartily. He also had a whiff of disdain in his interviews and writings for past and present Somali governments.

Two years ago, I wrote an article about a conflict between former President Siad Barre and Samatar in the 1980s. I wanted to get Samatar’s take on the story so I sent him a draft of my piece. To my amazement, the professor had another idea. As an editor of the journal Horn of Africa, he asked me if I could perhaps publish the article there. I was stunned. I’d written the article for a general audience and wanted it that way. It was flattering, however, that the good professor liked the article to the extent he wanted to publish it academically.

 

Aside from the political spat between the president and Samatar, my article touched on something of a taboo: the professor’s past conversion to Christianity. I was concerned that Samatar would not discuss the matter, and on this I was actually right. He saw his change of religion at an early age as a personal matter or, as he said in one of his articles a year ago, pure pragmatism. It was, after all, the missionaries who had helped him get an education, employment, and an opportunity to come to the U.S. Most of all, he had also met his wife, Lydia, through her missionary work in Somalia. In 2005, however, Samatar made it clear in an interview that he was back to his religious heritage. He stated he had gone “from one kitab (book) to another. And now I am returning to the original kitab.”

 

Professor Samatar was one of a kind. A year ago, he wrote that he wanted to change his clan affiliation from Lelkase to Geri. (Incidentally, did Faisal Roble, a close friend of the professor, have anything to do with this?).  Samatar had a knack for courting controversy, however, his supposed clan change yielded blinks, squints and blank stares. He was so impressed with the Geri that he wanted to be adopted by them. In essence, though, he didn’t make a big splash when he switched from one Darod sub-clan to another.  Once, I thought Samatar almost came close to switching to the Dir clan in the way he extolled the virtues of a Biyamaal intellectual who had eloquently spoken about the plight of his people in Lower Juba. I thought that would have been big news: a Darod scholar switches to Dir. But Samatar saw something in the Geri—and only in the Geri—that appealed to him. 

 

One thing we all know is that every one of us is born into his clan and, hence, we have little choice. Once upon a time, Saddam Hussein was asked about his equally bloodthirsty gangster son, Uday. In response, the dictator rolled his eyes and said in a melancholy voice, “What can I do about it? I can’t choose my relatives.” Being born to a Somali clan is either a blessing or a curse, depending on whom you ask. However, Samatar succeeded in sparking a healthy debate among Somali intellectuals: Can anyone forsake his clan in favor of another?

 

I will certainly miss Samatar’s writings, his courageous radio interviews, and his sharp insights into the everyday absurdities, quirks, nomadic tendencies, and feisty spirit of the Somali people.  

 

Going Somewhere: Joe Biden and Somali Cab Drivers

The Somalis are in the news this week in the U.S.

No, it is not about piracy or Al-Shabaab bombing in Africa. It is actually about something that is work-related. In a White House conference addressing the issue of stopping extremist violence (Oops, there we go again), Vice President Joe Biden expressed his positive attitude toward Somalis.  He said he knows them and has in fact some Somali friends. Anyone who went with him to the train station, he told the press, will see his connection with the Somalis.  “I have great relationships with them because there is an awful lot driving cabs and [they] are friends of mine.”  As if to punctuate the message, Biden added: “I am not being solicitous. I am being serious.”

After Biden’s statement, it was a shock-and-awe moment. All of sudden, he has been accused of stereotyping Somalis. How dare Biden say that about Somalis, many questioned. Doesn’t he have any modicum of sensitivity? Critics said that there is more to Somalis than cab driving.

First, I did not know that the American VP is still taking the train to his hometown in Wilmington, Delaware. Second, Biden is a veteran politician, but he is unique in a way because he operates without a filter. In other words, he has been one to speak his mind. After he speaks up and there is uproar, Biden has a tendency to apologize to calm the storm. “My statement was taken out of context,” he would say. That is when he resorts to being a typical politician.

However, Biden is right this time about Somalis and cab driving. He has nothing to apologize for. Many Somalis in urban areas are cab drivers. That is a fact. Of course, not all Somalis are cabbies. Biden only spoke about the ones he has known, the cabbies at the Amtrak Station. Somalis were not always associated with taxi driving in America. This is a new phenomenon.

In the 1980s, I moved from Ohio to California. Then, there were many Ethiopians who worked as taxi drivers or parking lot attendants. In essence, the Ethiopians dominated these two lines of work. In the early 1990s, Somalis started arriving in California. After a while, the Ethiopians moved on to other careers; a few stayed in the taxi business but as owners rather than drivers. Many years later, Somalis entered the field and cab driving became the favorite job among many because of two reasons: It did not require fluency in English and it gave these taxi drivers a chance to get together with fellow countrymen and talk about politics. There is another sinister motive for some because the taxi work, which is mostly cash-based, can be underreported to both the welfare agency and to their wives. 

I have always wondered why so many educated Somalis drive a taxi. I can understand the ones with limited skills being cabbies and the ones who are doing it for a short period, but why do the rest make it a career?  I have seen former government officials in Barre’s regime driving taxis. Some were ministers and others directors of government agencies.

The saddest case was a Somali professional in California who drove a taxi in the weekends. When his son graduated from high school, the young man became a cabbie. I talked to his parents about the matter but the father gave me an interesting response: “My son has to drive a cab because I have relatives back home to support.” I asked the father if he had thought of his son going to college, getting an education and then being in a better position to support his family. The father kept quiet.

I have two anecdotes about Somalis and cab driving.

Many years ago in a California court, a judge asked me if there were any Somali-speaking therapists or psychologists in the city so he could refer a Somali defendant to them. I answered no.

“Are you kidding?” the judge exclaimed.

“None,” I reiterated.

The judge fidgeted and kept starring at the defendant’s case file. He was probably asking himself why a 10,000-strong Somali community in a major California city has not yet produced a specialist after being in the state over 20 years.

“No medical doctor either?” he asked curiously.

“Your Honor, not yet,” I said, “But fortunately we have a lot of cab drivers.”

The judge looked at me in disbelief and exploded: “But I am not going anywhere!”

The other story is about my university studies many years ago. I was accepted by the University of Chicago to do an advanced degree. I became ambivalent as to whether to leave California, where I had a good graduate fellowship, or go to the University of Chicago, a private institution, which offered me only a tuition waiver. At the time, I had a family with two young children. I asked a veteran professor at that university how the graduate students in Chicago survived in that very expensive city. “Well, there are fifth-year doctoral students who drive cabs,” he answered, sympathetically. Frankly, I was stupefied but at the same time I thought these students at least saw taxi driving as a temporary means to survive to obtain their degrees.

I have a friend in Mogadishu who is a successful businessman. He did not leave the country when many fled in 1991. He called me one day. “Hassan, what is wrong with you diaspora people?” he inquired. I asked him what the problem was. “Well, there are many cab drivers from North America everywhere in Mogadishu who all want to be either cabinet ministers or parliamentarians and nothing else.” His anger was understandable because he was wondering, in his mind, if the Somalis abroad have produced any other careers. That was a typical Joe Biden moment!

Some solace comes to my friend, the businessman. There have been some high-ranking Somali officials or celebrities who were once cabbies but they had moved on. They include two presidents of Puntland, one Puntland VP, a federal Attorney General, cabinet ministers, and a famous female singer, to mention a few.

I would like Somalis in the diaspora to approach cab driving as a transitory job, not a career. There is so much our community can do because opportunities abound in North America. It starts with ambition, then discipline and hard work. It will only be then that other nationalities will recognize our brains, skills, and contribution.

Meet Mr. Cantarbaqash

He is the first man I have met so far who has told me about his intention to run for the Somali presidency in 2016. Because he has not yet made a formal announcement, I will call him “Cantarbaqash,” (Baloney).

Cantarbaqash is in his fifties, short and round. He has a well-trimmed beard and wears suits that are oversized but help him conceal his protruding belly. He once was a cabbie, a career that spanned 23 years. He has never attended school but speaks two African languages with ease. His English is self-taught and limited; his Arabic is at best pedestrian. His line of work is the nonprofit sector. Throughout the years, he has raised several million dollars for the agency he heads to feed the poor and indigent in the Horn of Africa. The organization’s website is littered with pictures of internally displaced people receiving food, cooking oil, and blankets. The name of the charity is widely displayed in the background for emphasis. Other images are of goats being donated to people or on their way to the slaughterhouse for meat donation.  It is not clear if these images of goats are recycled from various projects across the country. Cantarbaqash shows pictures of starving people to Somalis in the diaspora so that they donate to his agency.

He has fared well and leads a comfortable life. He travels constantly. All the monies collected as donations—which are all in cash—are supposedly used for staff traveling, offices, restaurant food, and hotel accommodations. Only a small fraction of the funds goes to the needy, according to Cantarbaqash himself. “We have high overhead costs, like some of the big Western NGOs,” he says, putting his foundation in the same realm as Save the Children and the International Rescue Committee. After many years in the field of charity, his foundation has yet to build a school, a clinic, or a warehouse for food distribution. Once or twice a year, Cantarbaqash calls local media in Mogadishu and bribes a few journalists to cover his distribution of aid to a select one or two hundred poor people. Then Cantarbaqash flies back to his splendid house in North America.

One day, Cantarbaqash had a new revelation: He wants to be elected president of Somalia in 2016. Since then, he has fixated on 2016. He has told his family and friends that he is serious about pursuing his dream of becoming president. Cantarbaqash has visited Somalia—from Hargeisa to Kismayo—in his capacity as a charity manager. He is absolutely certain that—don’t laugh—people in Somaliland and Puntland will support him. They should, he says with smugness because their leaders have welcomed him before. In reality, Cantarbaqash is in it for personal gain. He is as greedy as a chipmunk and as unscrupulous as a hyena.

Where does Cantarbaqash stand on the issues?

Q: What is your political plan for the country?

A: Um, I want to serve my country. I love Somalia.

Q: What is your economic plan?

A: I believe in entrepreneurship.

Q: What do you think of the provisional constitution?

A: Somalis are not happy with this document. It must go.

Q: What is the problem with the constitution?

A: The people that I talk to are opposed to this document.

Q: What are your thoughts on peace and reconciliation?

A: We are one nation and we need to build our future.

Q: What role do you see for Somali women in rebuilding the country?

A: [Laughter] You know me, I love women. [More laughter]

Obviously, Cantarbaqash has not yet formulated his “plans” but he might still surprise many by having his political “agenda” in glossy pamphlets, just like the glitzy, eye-catching literature about his foundation. He asserts that he is no different than some of the recent presidents who, in his words, “came from nowhere to be the leaders of Somalia.”

There is nothing to be expected from Cantarbaqash, a man of obvious limitations. The only thing outstanding about him is his mediocrity. Unfortunately, given the state of Somalia over the last three decades, Cantarbaqash’s mediocrity may not seem strange after all. Ladies and gentlemen, Cantarbaqash’s presidential candidacy is coming to a coffeehouse near you. Until then, sit tight and enjoy the “fadhi-du-Dirir” (political chatter). Cantarbaqash is oblivious to one thing: Political chatter among Somalis has become an art form and is much more popular than even the office of the presidency.