Relationships in Flux (Part 1): Somali Stories

Background: The following is a two part series of true stories of some Somalis in America and their relationships. The series is part of a book the writer is finishing titled, Courtship and Marriage: The Somali Experience in America. The names of these individuals and their locations have been changed for privacy reasons.
                                                                                      ***
Bad Apple

I was 20 when I met Ali, a young man whom I thought would be my future husband. He was a year older than I, smart, charismatic, friendly, and charming.  My parents and his parents were fully aware of our courtship and blessed it. We agreed to get married after I finished my university degree. Ali wasn’t cut out for school; he had dropped out of high school and was working as a cabbie, but I was in love with him and he did not mind my pursuit of higher education. I have never met a man who was as smooth a talker as Ali; he gave the phrase “used car salesman” a whole new meaning. If I were angry with him, he always managed to make me forget about my anger. He had a way of reassuring me and calming me down.

Unfortunately, after three years of courtship, Ali became what young Somalis refer to as someone whom “a dog has eaten.”(“Eey baa cunay”). It means, he is out of my life and, hence, the relationship has come to a screeching halt. I have strong views about marriage being noble and honorable.  I do not believe in pre-marital relations, but Ali did. He got tired of me and as a result he ended up meeting another young lady.

One day, my father met me in the parking lot as I was coming home from the university. He seemed anxious and worried, and my immediate thought was that someone in my family had passed away. My father held my right hand and said: “There are more than 20 people in our house now because your mother invited them.” I asked him the reason for their presence. “Your mother and Ali’s mother invited them because you are going to have a marriage ceremony,” he explained. In our culture, a marriage ceremony is a small gathering in which marriage contracts are conducted. This ceremony is usually followed by a wedding, which can be performed at a later date, or sometimes the same day.

I felt like I had been hit on the head with a sledgehammer. No one had told me about the event. I entered the house to find all eyes on me. After I greeted the guests, I went straight to my room and called Ali. “Do you know anything about this so-called ‘marriage event’?” I asked. His answer was unconcerned and more problematic than I expected: “I have nothing to do with this matter,” he said. “It’s an arrangement by our mothers.” I was upset by his nonchalant attitude and his failure to warn me in advance. “If that’s the case,” I said in annoyance, “let our mothers get married to each other.” I slammed down the phone.

My father came to my rescue. Initially, he made only covert allusions, telling me that Ali was a troubled young man who lacked good values. “You are a fine young woman and well-behaved,” my father added. Then, he dropped a thunderbolt: “Do you know that Ali has impregnated a teen?” I was shocked and felt faint. I knew Ali had a wandering eye and was a bit flirtatious with other women, but I knew nothing about this important detail of his amorous life. The fact that he not only had cheated on me but also had gotten another woman pregnant was too much to bear.

I called him again and, surprisingly, he did not deny the affair or the pregnancy. His justification was indeed scandalous. “I did it,” he shamelessly said, “because you did not want to sleep with me.”

That was several years ago.

Ali has been married for the last five years and has three children. I married a man from another nationality and I am very content. Ali approached me a few times when I ran into him and had the nerve to ask me to have an affair with him. “I have an apartment downtown and we could meet there,” he told me. I reprimanded him, but this man never gives up. My husband knows about Ali and has threatened to confront him and teach him a lesson.

I think I am a blessed and fortunate woman that I did not marry Ali. I found out that he is involved in illicit activities and is no stranger to the law. Somehow, I feel God was protecting me from a toxic relationship. I am also grateful to my father for saving the day.

One bad result of my break-up with Ali was that my parents, after 25 years of marriage, divorced on that memorable day when the plan for the marriage ceremony collapsed. My mother and I are still close, but she never forgave me for not marrying Ali. She naively believes that Ali, the bad boy, would have changed if he had married me. “Look at him now,” I tell her, “he’s married but he’s cheating on his wife and seems hell-bent on self-destruction.”

The Bachelorette

My wife acts as if she is single. She is pretty, six feet tall, and athletic. Needless to say, she is a fitness fanatic and jogs five times a week. I know many Somalis are already spewing curses at me for saying that, as our women simply do not go out jogging. Right?  I, on the other hand, have a deep-seated aversion to most forms of exercise. However, I am slight as a sparrow and healthy. We have been married for four years and we have no children.

There is one thing that bothers me about my wife. Men constantly hit on her, but she never tells them that she is married. She hates wearing a ring. When men approach her to get her number, she does not mention her marital status, but she never fails to inform me about all the attention she gets. I give her a lot of credit for not hiding these things from me; however, I am upset that she does not have the guts to announce to her pursuers that she is married. She merely brushes these men off and never gives out her telephone number.

I think my wife likes all the attention she gets from men. It gives her a sense of power to reject them. Power, after all, is an elixir.

I am beginning to resent my wife’s double standard. I have always been faithful, and everyone who knows me is aware of my strong commitment to my marriage. I wish my wife would show the same commitment.

Other than this minor nuisance of not divulging her status, I have a happy and fulfilling marriage. However, I can’t wait until my wife becomes a mother. I wonder what she will tell her pursuers then.

(Reprinted with permission from Sahan Journal, October 5, 2015).

Six Major Mariage Killers

Every marriage goes through rough patches, but some are so toxic and unhealthy that the faster you extricate yourself, the better. All is not well if any of these signs exists in your marriage; it could mean your union is in serious danger.

You live with a control freak

Your husband may be telling you what to do, how much time you should spend with your family and friends, and what to wear. He may censor what you say, ridicule your views, and constantly track you. He may act as he is always right and use the male privilege to order you around, and demand (not politely request) things from you. You may find yourself wanting to change who you are to make him happy. You may start to repress your true feelings for fear you may disappoint him. You may be walking on eggshells all the time and be worried about getting on his bad side. You may choose to appease him rather than risk the wrath of his noxious temper. You may be more self-conscious than ever before. In other words, you may feel dominated. Your family and friends may be telling you that you have become a shadow of your former self.  If this describes your relationship, it is time to run away from this dominant partner because things are not likely to get better.

Your spouse is abusive

Abuse comes in different forms. It can be emotional, verbal, or physical. For instance, your spouse may throw temper tantrums, cuss you, insult you, call you names, scream at you in front of the children, and always nitpick and contemptuously criticize you. Or your husband may hit you, shove you, kick doors, throw things, and display weapons and threaten you with violence. Or your spouse may be the passive-aggressive type; he may demean you, ignore you, and make hurtful remarks in jest to hide his anger and resentment. In all of these situations, you are likely living in a state of fear that you will be physically harmed or verbally humiliated. You may be afraid—or embarrassed—to tell your parents and friends about your spouse’s abusive tendencies. Research has shown that if a husband hits his wife even once, he is likely to repeat the pattern. A violent husband is simply a narcissist, sociopath who must be avoided and not given any chance of reconciliation. A verbally abusive wife has no respect for her husband and does not mind humiliating him. Violent, emotional and verbally abusive spouses use their hot temper as an excuse to humiliate their life partners.

Your ex is still a factor in your life

Instead of an ex being a past mistake, he is still a present nuisance. If a wife constantly talks about her ex, viciously attacks him in her rants on a daily basis, keeps memorabilia of him (such as photos) for frequent viewing and reliving nostalgic memories, talks to him regularly behind her husband’s back, always inquires about him through mutual friends and savors the information, sends subtle messages and pictures through social media designed either to impress him or annoy him, it means there is definitely a past unresolved with this spouse and she may not be ready to let it go. In other words, she hasn’t purged her ex from her life. Anger toward an ex is fine as long as it is a phase. This spouse may be nostalgic for what her former husband once was when things were good between them but is naively oblivious to the reasons why they divorced in the first place.

Sex is either too much or too little

Too much sex means there is undue emphasis on the physical in the relationship. It means one spouse has made intimacy the only cornerstone of their marriage. He may be neglecting other aspects of the marriage that are crucial for strengthening the union. A marital relationship, like any thing in life, must be balanced. If one spouse is addicted to sex, it creates imbalance and probably resentment on the part of the other spouse. On the other hand, too little sex may also create conflict. One (or both) spouses may be suffering because his or her needs are not met. Communication, of course, is the key to address the frequency of intimacy. Every healthy marriage requires a sexual connection plus nonsexual touching, kissing, hugging, and snuggling.

You do not follow your heart

Your gut feeling is that this marriage is making you miserable. You may feel depressed, unhappy, insecure, and unloved. Your spouse may be making you feel bad about yourself. You may feel lonely even when you are with him. You may find yourself arguing constantly, even about the smallest things. You may be taking each other for granted. You may feel your relationship lurches from crisis to crisis. Family and friends who observe you and your spouse may often tell you how bad the relationship is for you. If all these things are true, you may be in trouble. It is time to seek professional help or trust your gut feeling and leave the marriage.

Your spouse is cheating

You may suspect your spouse is constantly lying to you. He does not tell you where he travels, does not contact you when he is on the road, always takes calls in private, and gets many messages from individuals he does not tell you about. He may become more secretive than he was before. He may always be tired when it is time for intimacy. He may frequently come home late, and spend unusual hours at the office. These are signs that a spouse is not being honest and may be cheating. It is best to confront him and seek a couple’s counseling.                                                                                   ***

In a nutshell, these are some of the signs of relationships marred by toxic traits. Any relationship that features controlling, abuse, obsession with a former spouse, lack of emotional and physical intimacy, and cheating is a union that is dysfunctional and hazardous to your health.  

Do Not Impeach the President

On Wednesday, August 12, 2015, about 93 Somali legislators submitted a motion to impeach President Hassan Sheikh Mohamoud for a series of constitutional violations, corruption, impeding the formation of some regional states and later undermining them, and for not consulting with parliament. While all these accusations may be justified, the idea of impeaching the president now is not wise for the following reasons:

1.      The president has a year left of his term, which he should finish. Afterwards, he should never come back to the political scene because of his embarrassing record of authoritarianism and corruption. Removing the president now before his term is up is not going to solve any problems. In fact, impeaching him is likely to create more problems than solutions. The removal of Mohamed Morsi after the Egyptians had elected him president, was unconstitutional and counterproductive. It created havoc in Egypt and led to political turmoil that will take many years to unravel. General Abdifatah Al-Sisi, who toppled and replaced Morsi, turned out to be a dictator worse than Mubarak and Sadat. Even Morsi, who made egregious mistakes in his short tenure by acting in an imperial fashion, seems today to have been a better ruler than Al-Sisi. If Morsi had been left to finish his term, it is highly unlikely the Egyptians would have re-elected him. These precedents should set off warning bells for Somalia, which simply cannot afford to experience the havoc we have seen in Egypt, and which will likely ensue if the Somali president is impeached now. An interim administration would not be able to prepare the country for change in 2016.  

2.      The legislators who submitted the impeachment are equally to blame for the very transgressions they are accusing the president of perpetrating. In 2012, members of this body admitted publicly that they allowed themselves to be bribed to elect the current president, a man unknown to many Somalis, who, nevertheless miraculously trounced the incumbent president. Moreover, on several occasions, many of the parliamentarians were in cahoots with the president himself when he was violating the constitution and usurping power from his three prime ministers. Yes, President Mohamoud has had three prime ministers in the past three years, and this parliament sacked two of them. The third has only been in office for months. The MPs did not even give former Prime Minister Abdi Shirdon a chance to present his case before his dismissal. Now the legislators are crying foul. If the president has to go, so must the legislators.

3.      Two weeks ago, when President Mohamoud announced there would not be a one-man, one-vote election in 2016 for security reasons, the MPs did not ask him to come before them. There were no protests and no hearings. When was the last time this parliament held hearings to inquire about all of the president’s constitutional violations? There were no hearings. Did parliament discuss the status of reviewing the provincial constitution, the issue of graft in the executive branch, not paying the salaries of members of the armed forces for months, the assassination of some legislators, and the conflict with Kenya regarding sea boundaries? No.

The Somali parliament needs to do its job first before it shifts blame onto the president. How many laws has parliament passed since it convened after the elections in the fall of 2012? None. It will be in the country’s interest if both the president and the parliament simply own up for their failures. Thus far, no one has been honest with the Somali people. The president has yet to tell the nation he failed to prepare the country for a popular vote. There is a security problem in certain parts of the country, but the president does not mention what was in his power that he failed to accomplish. In a way, parliament enabled him to violate the constitution for three years.

Standing on the Ashes: The Somali South-West State

Sharif Hassan Sheikh Aden, the President of the Interim South-West Administration (ISWA) in Somalia, is deliberately stemming the natural growth of the nascent federated state by employing “qaraabaysi” (nepotism), patronage, and misuse of public funds. After two decades of civil war, followed by years of Al-Shabaab domination, the region is still in financial and political ruins.

The administration of the South-West (SW) is in the hands of Sharif Hassan and his family. Through his imperial actions, the SW is a one-man show—he is the president, the vice president, the legislature, and the judiciary. Sharif Hassan is assisted by his brother, Madeer, who coordinates all international contacts from Nairobi, and Mohamed Abdullahi Mursal, his nephew, who does the day-to-day management of the region. With the blessing of his uncle, Mursal has named himself a prime minister and hence presides over the cabinet meetings. He has even set up fake email addresses in the name of his uncle and cabinet ministers soliciting aid from the international community. The appointed ministers, who lack education and government experience, have titles but no function.  A UN official recently wrote a scathing letter to his superiors complaining about the lack of a qualified cadre for capacity building in the SW and pleaded to be transferred elsewhere.

Baidoa, the capital of the SW, is a city riven with violence and targeted assassinations. In just the last few months, prominent imams, traditional leaders, and women have been killed. These acts of violence, though generally suspected to have been carried out by Al-Shabaab, cannot all be attributed to the terror group. Some killings are politically motivated. Clan elders, according to two community activists in the SW, live in an atmosphere of fear and intimidation because they are frequently harassed by Sharif Hassan and his cronies. “We dare not to challenge Sharif Hassan,” one elder, who wants to remain anonymous, lamented.  Sharif Hassan has not established security services to protect citizens. In fact, no budget has been drawn up for the security sector. It is unfortunate that Sharif Hassan himself spends most of his time either staying in Mogadishu, the capital of Somalia, or doing frivolous travel. Occasionally, he stays in a house in Afgooye, which is owned by the conglomerate Hormuud Telecom. Many of his ministers are also staying in hotels in Mogadishu like sitting ducks, idle, and without the faintest clue of what is going on.

Sharif Hassan has been dragging his feet on two major issues: appointing a vice president and spearheading the formation of a parliament.  By showing little interest in having a vice president, he is exhibiting Hosni Mubarak syndrome, (the former Egyptian dictator ruled his country over 30 years without a designated vice president). The region also has yet to have a functioning parliament. Per the provisional constitution, a parliament must be established between 45 and 60 days after a regional state is established. This lackadaisical approach to the rule of law is disturbing. There are some sputtering attempts to form a parliament in the region. Even Sharif Hassan himself has become involved and has asked clan elders to give him a minimum of three parliament spots from each of the three regions that make up the SW so he can nominate legislators of his own choice. Recently, he met some of the elders of the Digil and Mirifle clan in Baidoa and grilled them on why they have been resisting his request. “Am I not the same person you elected as president a few months ago?” Sharif Hassan sarcastically asked. “Where does this lack of trust come from?” There is a fear among the elders that Sharif Hassan will give his requested parliamentary seats to entities that have business partnerships with him or manned armed militias. If his current cabinet is any indication, he just wants legislators who will answer to no one but himself.

Another issue is Sharif Hassan’s plan to sell the land of the Lower Shebelle. Recently, a group of Indian experts from the United Arab Emirates visited Baraawe in the Lower Shebelle to check the port for future development and to explore whether there is oil in the region. Another privately owned company, Somali Fruits, is sponsoring a trip for Sharif Hassan to go to Germany in an attempt to export Somali bananas from the SW. While encouraging investment in the region is a noble idea and badly needed, there is no mechanism to investigate the validity and effectiveness of these projects. Numerous calls by concerned SW residents to Sharif Hassan to establish “Xafiiska Hanti Dhawrka” (Bureau of Safeguarding National Resources) have gone unanswered.

A major concern for some SW residents is the fear that Sharif Hassan is indirectly facilitating the introduction of Shiism in the region. Sharif Hassan has received 200 scholarships from Iran for Somali youths to study there. Most of these scholarships have already been granted to Sharif Hassan’s relatives and members of his clan, the Asharaf. While the Asharaf in Somalia are Sunnis, the group has historically claimed to be descendants of the family of Prophet Mohamed. One similarity between the Shiites and the Asharaf is their unbridled devotion to “Ah-lul Bayt” ([Mohamed]’s family).  Some Somali religious scholars have been vociferously lashing out at Iranian charities in Somalia because they fear the spread of Shiism in an overwhelming Sunni country. Recently, Somali clerics noticed the emergence of a small number of Somali Shiites in the nation.  

An issue that angered many residents of the SW is the presence of the abhorred checkpoints in the region. These checkpoints, still run by armed militias, collect exorbitant taxes from residents and extort bribes from motorists. Unfortunately, instead of getting rid of these roadblocks, Sharif Hassan’s administration has introduced an additional 40 checkpoints in the region. Two of these checkpoints are near Afgooye and are controlled by Mursal, Sharif Hassan’s nephew, through his representative, a man named Daahir Sharif. According to several ministers, two of these checkpoints are falsely run in the name of “Iskaashatada Gaadiidka” (The Transportation Co-op). There is no group in the SW by the name of “Iskaashatada Gaadiidka.” The net daily income from these two roadblocks is 35 million Somali shillings ($1590 USD) and is directly deposited in Mursal’s personal account.  

The absence of police force and security services, coupled with the presence of a sizable fighters of Al-Shabaab, has exacerbated the lack of safety in the state. There are still territories in the region that are controlled by Al-Shabaab. The terror group has historically flourished in areas such as the SW where injustice, marginalization, and bad governing are prevalent.

 

Now that the Somali president has cancelled the one-man, one-vote election in 2016, Sharif Hassan is likely to amass more wealth as a war chest to be a contender for the federal presidency or to act as a power broker. Next year, instead of people electing candidates directly, the regional state representatives will probably do the selection, a process conducive to bribery and corruption. Sharif Hassan is presiding over a region which has a lot of potential but he is not interested in providing an effective and productive leadership. In a way, he is standing on the ashes, however, the saga of the SW and its leader will continue.

 

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Professor Scorned

In a famous true story, a young Italian musician did the unthinkable: He challenged his mentor, the great maestro Arturo Toscanini, with an unexpected fusillade. "With regard to Toscanini, the maestro," said the young man, "I bow my head in respect. However,” he continued, "with regard to Toscanini, the man…" The young man then proceeded to take off his shoe and started assaulting the maestro.
 
Recently, there was a public debate about the case of Somaliland. Professor Ahmed Ismael Samatar, of Macalester College, was one of four speakers participating in the debate. Each invited speaker was allotted 15 minutes to speak. Samatar went over his time, and when the organizer politely told him his time was up, the good professor was furious and mumbled that he had yet to present the gist of his speech. What happened next was beyond comprehension. Samatar sat down in disgust and refused to participate. A gentleman implored the professor to participate in the discussion, but Samatar was indignant about the way he had been treated. "They [the organizers] invited us," the professor protested, "and they do not know how to run the debate." The audience was still reeling from shock when the question-and-answer session commenced. Some of the audience took clear shots at Samatar for his support of Somaliland after many years of lambasting the secessionist region. Not long ago, Samatar, who hails from the north, was a prominent unionist who had worked hard for the unity of Somalia.
 
Samatar’s career has been consistent and strongly nationalistic.  As a young broadcaster for the BBC’s Somali Services in the 1960s, Samatar would conclude the half-hour broadcast with the proclamation, "Soomaaliya ha noolato," (Long live Somalia), thereby breaking the journalistic code of neutrality and objectivity. However, Samatar today is singing a new tune, one of secession and the disintegration of Somalia’s territorial integrity. The professor’s firm belief in the unity of Somalia, a belief that spanned five decades, has gone with the wind. Now, many Somalis are asking themselves how someone who stood so strongly for Somali unity has suddenly converted to secessionism.
 
What many people forget is there are two sides of Samatar: Samatar the intellectual and Samatar the politician. Unfortunately, these two sides have been unable to reconcile, and hence have led to his undoing. Political scientists do not make good politicians, just as medical doctors do not make good patients. Samatar has been teaching politics for more than three decades, yet this extensive teaching experience did not necessarily mean the learned professor possesses effective political skills. He made a faux pas of misreading the intention of Somali legislators who were selecting the president in 2012. Before Samatar’s candidacy for office, he and his colleagues formed a political party, “Hiil Qaran." He then ran for the Somali presidency but failed miserably to even make it to the second round of the election. Samatar once again misread the political situation, which he knew was based on an unfair political power arrangement that favored the two biggest clans in Somalia. Moreover, the eventual winner of the presidency, Hassan S. Mohamoud, had made a secret deal with Samatar: whoever wins the presidency would make the other his prime minister. Mohamoud, it turned out, had made similar promises to other candidates and instead chose an inexperienced premier like him.
 
I was one of the first commentators to ask President Mohamoud to appoint Samatar as his premier or appoint him the foreign minister. Samatar did not get either position. He left Mogadishu sullen and bitter. To him, the political system had betrayed him. His position as an intellectual and an avowed northern nationalist became a liability in a political environment that favored one's clan affiliation, rather than what one could do for the country. Samatar struck a defiant note, condemning informal power sharing, and used his position as a parliamentarian to rail against injustice and corruption.
 
Then, Samatar shocked many Somalis when he resigned from parliament and started endorsing Somaliland’s quest for statehood. The secessionists glowed with pride and welcomed Samatar like a prodigal son, who had finally come home. Other Somalis were incessantly critical of his betrayal and self-serving political position. Some wondered if Samatar, who couldn't get elected as president in Mogadishu, naively thought he would have better luck in Hargeisa. Samatar's lame excuse for changing his stance was what he called “the prevalence of political corruption” and unfair power sharing in Mogadishu. Not surprisingly, Samatar drew exceptional mockery from many unionists. The man whom Somalis always welcomed in political debates and on the lecture circuit, suddenly found himself unwanted and without luster.
 
Against this backdrop, the political debate held in Minneapolis two weeks ago coincided with Samatar’s growing irrelevance and the expression of public indignation at his support for secessionist Somaliland. Samatar's treatment in the debate was a not-so-subtle repudiation of him and his politics. The organizers of the debate and the audience seemed elated when the good professor further embarrassed himself, pouted, and acted like little Oliver Twist asking for more food; in this instance, more time. His petulant actions at the event accelerated his slide from political stature to political ignominy.  Samatar had a hard time understanding why nobody cared what he had to say. The once- exceptional public speaker sat silently at the podium with the other speakers, refusing to answer questions directed at him until finally he couldn't take it anymore and left. It was like watching a train wreck. Surprisingly, his departure was greeted with indifference. A young man from the Awdal region lamented how Samatar "his uncle" had a penchant for leaving debates once he had lost an argument. The young man was wrong: Samatar had lost long before the debate had even started. The audience had already tuned out what he had to say. They had heard his explanations for leaving Somalia’s cause in favor of Somaliland. And they had heard enough.
 
Samatar is an intellectual among Somalis, and no one -- unionist or secessionist -- can take that away from him. But Samatar, the politician, now stands on his own without a pedestal, unseen, unheard, and increasingly irrelevant.

The Lobby: A Fathia Absie Film

Title: The Lobby

Running Time: 56.59 minutes
Status: Limited Release
Country: United States
Directed, written and produced by Fathia Absie
Cast: Doug Sydney and Fathia Absie
***

Several years ago, Fathia Absie made a compelling documentary, Broken Dreams, about the Somali youths missing in Minnesota. It was a bold film project that stirred debate within the Somali community about the reasons why two dozen young Somalis in the Twin Cities left the U.S. and joined Al-Shabaab. In her new film, The Lobby, Fathia departs from the well-documented, hard-hitting issue of terrorism and focuses instead on a close encounter of two people from different cultures, an American man from northern Minnesota and a Somali immigrant woman.

John (Doug Sydney) and Yasmin (Fathia Absie) live as neighbors in the same apartment complex in Minneapolis. They exchange glances occasionally but never talk to each other. John sees Yasmin mostly sitting in the lobby, pondering and taking some notes. He is curious about this strange-looking woman with Islamic attire and wonders why she always hangs out at the lobby. Yasmin, on her part, is curious about John. Then, one day John musters the courage to approach Yasmin and introduces himself. What follows is a minefield of small talk, laced with curiosity, apprehension, nervousness, and cultural sensitivity. John is aware of who he is: a white man who has a simple background and, in his words, “has lived a life of ease and privilege.”  Yasmin, on the other hand, is the product of a tough upbringing, having been raised in Somalia, a country that has witnessed civil war, displacement, and poverty. Most of all, she has lost loved ones back home to undue violence. In spite of her past ordeals, Yasmin comes across as a strong woman who has weathered extraordinary hardships but still possesses amazing self-confidence and a sense of humor. She is as smart as she is pretty and does not hesitate to take the lead in her conversations with John. She seeks neither sympathy nor acceptance from John. She welcomes any personal questions and tells John, “I am not fragile.” As the pair come to know each other better, they develop a certain comfort level and mutual attraction to each other. They start longing for these meetings in the lobby but discover that life is full of twists and turns.

The Lobby is a metaphor for something bigger and deeper than the simple meeting of two people. It is a portrait of how two members of different cultures, who had coexisted and cohabited in the same place without knowing anything about each other, can tear down the barrier between them and start relating to each other. Physical proximity to one another means nothing if there is no communication or understanding of each other. It has always been one of the main themes of Fathia Absie’s work: Communication is the way for people of all cultures to relate to each other. Fathia is a die-hard humanist and an idealist to the marrow. She envisions a world in which all kinds of people can live happily together, regardless of the artificial barriers they have erected between each other.  Fathia believes all people share one noble attribute: their common humanity. Some skeptics see Fathia’s enthusiastic idealism as naïve and impractical, a clear reflection that some sectors of the society can be unkind and unforgiving. Others will shudder at the exchange of banter between a Muslim woman and a man not related to her. 

This film, produced on an extremely low budget, is artfully crafted—a testimony to Fathia’s artistic maturation. The acting is great and the dialogue uniquely enriching and entertaining. Fathia is as good at acting as she is at directing. No other actress can better portray Yasmin than Fathia. She can say a lot without uttering a word. She is polite, sensitive, and has an upbeat personality. Her colleague, Doug, is equally impressive and does a good job playing the role of a privileged man who comes around to be appreciative and understanding of other people’s cultures. Like Fathia’s first documentary, this film will generate lively discussions among many Somalis and Minnesotans, something Fathia thrives on.

Have You Hugged Your 'Ayeeyo' Lately?

Amina Mohamed is 77, the mother of seven, the “Ayeeyo” (grandmother) of 42, and the great grandmother of seven.

“In reality, I had 10 children but three died,” she said. “My youngest daughter was killed in Hargeisa during the civil war,” she said. She was standing in front of the family house when she was struck on the heart by a wayward bullet. “No one knows the perpetrator,” Amina said, a hint of sadness in her voice.

Amina was born in Hargeisa and her mother came from Jigjiga, a city in the Somali region in Ethiopia. Her father came from the Awdal region in northern Somalia. Amina and her husband spent most of their lives in eastern Ethiopia, where all her children were born. However, she speaks only a smattering of Amharic, the official language of Ethiopia.

Amina has fond memories of the Somali region in Ethiopia and talks about it nostalgically. “Somalis there are cohesive because they live in a multicultural environment,” she explained. “What defines you there is your ethnicity, not your clan.”

Amina witnessed firsthand what Somali clans did to each other during the civil war, in the north and south. She saw innocent people killed and even elderly woman molested. “I saw a woman in her sixties raped,” she said, with tears in her eyes, “just because she belonged to the wrong clan.”

Amina was fortunate to have escaped harm in Mogadishu because she told the armed militias that she was from Hargeisa.

During the 1977-1978 Somali-Ethiopian War, Amina and her family fled Harar to Somalia. In the ensuing panic and chaos, her children scattered and for a while, their whereabouts were unknown. She, one of her sons, and two grandchildren escaped to the bush and trekked for 18 days toward Somalia to avoid the Ethiopian army.

“It was the most dangerous and emotionally draining trip I have ever taken,” she explained. “I was worried about the well-being of my two grandchildren than my own.” She experienced starvation, constant fear of wild animals, and — after a snake bite — a week-long sickness. The group saw hyenas near Harar eating corpses. After 18 days of walking, Amina came upon an encampment of the Somali army inside Ethiopia. The family was placed in an open truck and taken to Hargeisa. “I was told my husband and children had perished,” she recounted. Fortunately, and to her great joy, she later discovered all her children had resurfaced in Somalia and her husband was safe in Harar.

Starting from scratch, Amina began working to support her big family in Hargeisa. “I traveled throughout Somalia as a businesswoman,” she said. She was relentless in ensuring her children received an education. Four have graduated from university and two have even earned advanced degrees.

Amina appears cheerful and affable. “I sacrificed a lot for my children and some of my grandchildren,” she said. Unfortunately, she rarely sees most of her grandchildren even though many, like her, live on the West Coast of America. “Today, many of the younger people are focused on their daily lives and have no interest in connecting with their elders,” she said. “Who has time for a grandmother?” she added, laughing heartily.

Amina is a walking encyclopedia of Somali culture and experiences. She has personally known several former high-ranking Somali government officials and a handful of famous singers and poets. Her conversation is littered with anecdotes and proverbs. “I do not have an education,” she admitted, “but I have a vast reservoir of personal experience.”

Amina is well versed in the current political situation in Somalia. She listens to the BBC World News Service every day and has little patience with today’s leaders, whom she says are more interested in personal enrichment than serving the nation. Referring to the Barre regime, she lamented, “Once upon a time, we had a functioning government, but we intentionally and deliberately destroyed it.” Amina said she would rather have a bad government than anarchy and what she calls “Dullinimo” (humiliation).

Although Amina cannot speak English, she has many friends, including neighborhood children. One five-year-old Asian girl calls her “my friend.” Another child, whom she met at the Social Security Administration, connected with her instantly and asked her mother if she could go with Amina. “I pay close attention to children,” Amina said, smiling.  

For the younger generation, Amina has a few words of advice: “Invest in family relations today before your loved ones are gone tomorrow.” She added, “After God, your family is the most important thing you have.”

(Reprinted with permission from Sahan Journal, June 7, 2015).