Every marriage goes through rough
patches, but some are so toxic and unhealthy that the faster you extricate
yourself, the better. All is not well if any of these signs exists in your
marriage; it could mean your union is in serious danger.
You live with a
control freak
Your husband may be telling you
what to do, how much time you should spend with your family and friends, and
what to wear. He may censor what you say, ridicule your views, and constantly
track you. He may act as he is always right and use the male privilege to order
you around, and demand (not politely request) things from you. You may find
yourself wanting to change who you are to make him happy. You may start to repress
your true feelings for fear you may disappoint him. You may be walking on
eggshells all the time and be worried about getting on his bad side. You may
choose to appease him rather than risk the wrath of his noxious temper. You may
be more self-conscious than ever before. In other words, you may feel dominated.
Your family and friends may be telling you that you have become a shadow of
your former self. If this describes your
relationship, it is time to run away from this dominant partner because things
are not likely to get better.
Your spouse is abusive
Abuse comes in different forms.
It can be emotional, verbal, or physical. For instance, your spouse may throw temper
tantrums, cuss you, insult you, call you names, scream at you in front of the
children, and always nitpick and contemptuously criticize you. Or your husband may
hit you, shove you, kick doors, throw things, and display weapons and threaten
you with violence. Or your spouse may be the passive-aggressive type; he may
demean you, ignore you, and make hurtful remarks in jest to hide his anger and
resentment. In all of these situations, you are likely living in a state of
fear that you will be physically harmed or verbally humiliated. You may be
afraid—or embarrassed—to tell your parents and friends about your spouse’s
abusive tendencies. Research has shown that if a husband hits his wife even
once, he is likely to repeat the pattern. A violent husband is simply a narcissist,
sociopath who must be avoided and not given any chance of reconciliation. A verbally
abusive wife has no respect for her husband and does not mind humiliating him.
Violent, emotional and verbally abusive spouses use their hot temper as an
excuse to humiliate their life partners.
Your ex is still a
factor in your life
Instead of an ex being a past
mistake, he is still a present nuisance. If a wife constantly talks about her
ex, viciously attacks him in her rants on a daily basis, keeps memorabilia of
him (such as photos) for frequent viewing and reliving nostalgic memories,
talks to him regularly behind her husband’s back, always inquires about him
through mutual friends and savors the information, sends subtle messages and
pictures through social media designed either to impress him or annoy him, it
means there is definitely a past unresolved with this spouse and she may not be
ready to let it go. In other words, she hasn’t purged her ex from her life. Anger
toward an ex is fine as long as it is a phase. This spouse may be nostalgic for
what her former husband once was when things were good between them but is naively
oblivious to the reasons why they divorced in the first place.
Sex is either too
much or too little
Too much sex means there is undue
emphasis on the physical in the relationship. It means one spouse has made
intimacy the only cornerstone of their marriage. He may be neglecting other
aspects of the marriage that are crucial for strengthening the union. A marital
relationship, like any thing in life, must be balanced. If one spouse is
addicted to sex, it creates imbalance and probably resentment on the part of
the other spouse. On the other hand, too little sex may also create conflict.
One (or both) spouses may be suffering because his or her needs are not met.
Communication, of course, is the key to address the frequency of intimacy. Every
healthy marriage requires a sexual connection plus nonsexual touching, kissing,
hugging, and snuggling.
You do not follow
your heart
Your gut feeling is that this
marriage is making you miserable. You may feel depressed, unhappy, insecure,
and unloved. Your spouse may be making you feel bad about yourself. You may
feel lonely even when you are with him. You may find yourself arguing
constantly, even about the smallest things. You may be taking each other for
granted. You may feel your relationship lurches from crisis to crisis. Family
and friends who observe you and your spouse may often tell you how bad the
relationship is for you. If all these things are true, you may be in trouble.
It is time to seek professional help or trust your gut feeling and leave the
marriage.
Your spouse is
cheating
You may suspect your spouse is
constantly lying to you. He does not tell you where he travels, does not
contact you when he is on the road, always takes calls in private, and gets many
messages from individuals he does not tell you about. He may become more
secretive than he was before. He may always be tired when it is time for
intimacy. He may frequently come home late, and spend unusual hours at the
office. These are signs that a spouse is not being honest and may be cheating.
It is best to confront him and seek a couple’s counseling. ***
In a nutshell, these are some of
the signs of relationships marred by toxic traits. Any relationship that
features controlling, abuse, obsession with a former spouse, lack of emotional
and physical intimacy, and cheating is a union that is dysfunctional and
hazardous to your health.
