A New Jersey court recently ruled
that the mother has every right not to let the father in the delivery room
during the birth of their child. Judge Suhail Mohammed wrote, “Any interest a
father has before the child’s birth is subordinate to the mother’s interest.”
Perhaps, a bit of background is
in order here. Rebecca DeLuccia and Steven Plotnick were engaged when Rebecca
got pregnant. The couple then planned that Steven would be actively involved in
the baby’s birth. However, as DeLuccia’s pregnancy advanced, the couple split,
and Plotnick became convinced he would not be able to witness the birth of his
child. Accordingly, he filed a lawsuit claiming DeLuccia was planning not to
let him sign the child’s birth certificate, inform him when she went into
labor, and allow him to be present during delivery. DeLuccia denied the first two claims but stated
she would “request her privacy in the delivery room.” DeLuccia promised that
Plotnick could visit the child after delivery. Plotnick was furious and
insisted on being present during the delivery.
Judge Mohammed sided with
DeLuccia citing New Jersey and federal laws that protect the rights of a hospital
patient. Mohammed further added that Plotnick’s presence in the delivery room
could “add to an already stressful situation,” in a manner that “could endanger
both the mother and the fetus.”
I must admit Plotnick is an
intriguing character. He had the audacity to sue his former fiancé so he could
be in the delivery room. Many men would steer clear of the birth chamber;
others would beg their insistent wives to be excused from attending the
delivery. I have a personal story about this subject.
In the 1980s my then wife and I
started attending a pregnancy class called “Lamaze.” The class was conducted by
a nurse named Pamela, a no-nonsense woman in her forties who grew up in Ohio. My
wife, a native of Michigan, got along well with Pam, who seemed a bit cool
toward me. Perhaps it had a lot to do with her difficulty understanding my English
accent. She knew I was an international student attending Ohio University. Her
aloofness could also have been because she sensed something odd about me,
namely, my subtle indifference to her class and its purpose. She was absolutely
right. Frankly, I was not a believer in
the class or the Lamaze method.
The Lamaze technique originated
in France, developed by the French obstetrician Ferdinand Lamaze. It is a set
of techniques that help women cope with pain during labor and delivery instead
of resorting to medical intervention. It involves breathing and relaxation techniques
and other natural ways to relieve pain. My wife read about Lamaze and became a
fan. When she told me about it, I thought the whole idea was bizarre but
decided to support her. I went along with the idea of attending the class twice
a week. My view was that when the time came for the delivery, all these pain-relieving
techniques would go out the window. Four
or five couples were in our class, so each couple worked as a team during
practice and, of course, during delivery. The class, which cost a few hundred dollars,
was helpful in learning the process of labor and delivery and assuaged our
fears about the new adventure of giving birth.
We attended the class religiously for a few weeks. Pam was
an excellent instructor and motivator. After several weeks of instruction, we
graduated and decided to hold an appreciation dinner for Pam at Pizza Hut. I
was happy that the class was over and felt relieved, but I also knew that the
baby was due soon.
D-Day arrived one or two months later.
It was December 3 when my wife and I headed to O’Bleness Hospital in Athens,
Ohio. The labor was intense, slow, and plodding. It was the middle of the night
when it came time to deliver. Nurses,
assistant nurses, a physician and I were in the delivery room. The environment
seemed chaotic, loud with too many beaming lights. In the midst of all the clamor,
I panicked. I started to sweat profusely and felt faint. It seemed I was
experiencing a panic attack. The doctor noticed my discomfort and came to my
aid. He gently told me it was okay to go outside if I wanted. It was obvious I
was a liability in the delivery room; perhaps he did not want to have a second
patient on his hands. I went outside but stayed near the delivery suite. All my
efforts to learn and master breathing techniques in our Lamaze class had come to
naught. Shortly, my baby daughter Sarah arrived in the world crying and
screaming. “Sururi” (My Joy)—as I have since called her— suddenly made me
forget all about my stress, anxiety, and—most of all—cracking under pressure.
Many years later, I read an article
in the British newspaper, The Mail, in which Michel Odent, a leading French
obstetrician, expressed his disapproval of men being in the delivery room.
After 50 years of experience as a medical doctor and having overseen 15,000
deliveries, Odent finally came out and advised men to stay away from the
delivery suite. In the 1950s, it was unheard of for men to be part of the
delivery. However, since the 1970s, it has become acceptable for men to
participate in the childbirth process. It is now common in the West for men to
be next to their wives as they deliver. Odent, interestingly, viewed this as a
bad idea. “The presence of men in the delivery room is not always a positive
thing,” he argued. “[The husband’s] presence is a hindrance, and a significant
factor [for] why labors are longer, more painful and more likely to result in
intervention than ever.” It is
impossible for a woman to feel relaxed when her husband, as tense and stressed
as he can be, stands next to her and attempts to soothe her. Moreover, there are
some men, Odent added, who are “at risk of being unwell or depressed due to
having seen their partners labor.”
Perhaps, Dr. Odent spoke up a tad
late for men like me who naturally preferred to steer clear of the delivery
room. I could have used his recommendation during the birth of my first child.
I come from a culture that views the presence of men in the room as taboo. While
it is a personal choice, of course, I find myself agreeing with Dr. Odent. It is
much better for men to wait outside the delivery room and express their loving
support before and after delivery. There are certain things women do better when
they do them alone.
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