Dad in the Delivery Room: A Help or a Hindrance?

When a woman is giving birth, should a father be allowed in the delivery room against the mother’s wishes?

A New Jersey court ruled in December 31, 2014 that during the birth of their child, a mother has every right not to let the father in the delivery room. Judge Suhail Mohammed wrote, “Any interest a father has before the child’s birth is subordinate to the mother’s interest.”

Perhaps a bit of background is in order. Rebecca DeLuccia and Steven Plotnick were engaged when DeLuccia got pregnant. The couple planned that Plotnick would be actively involved in the baby’s birth. However, as DeLuccia’s pregnancy advanced, the couple split, and Plotnick became convinced he would not be able to witness the birth of his child. Accordingly, he filed a lawsuit claiming DeLuccia was not planning to inform him when she went into labor, nor would she let him sign the child’s birth certificate. Further, Plotnick said she would not allow him to be present during delivery. DeLuccia denied the first two claims but said she would “request her privacy in the delivery room.” DeLuccia promised that Plotnick could visit the child after delivery. Plotnick was furious and insisted on being present during the delivery.

Judge Mohammed sided with DeLuccia citing New Jersey and federal laws that protect the rights of a hospital patient. Mohammed added that Plotnick’s presence in the delivery room could “add to an already stressful situation,” in a manner that “could endanger both the mother and the fetus.”

I must admit, Plotnick is an intriguing character. He had the audacity to sue his former fiancé so he could be in the birth room. Many men might steer clear of the birth chamber; others might beg their insistent wives to be excused from attending the delivery. I have a personal story about this subject. 

Three decades ago, my then-wife (God bless her soul) and I attended a pregnancy class called “Lamaze.” The class was conducted by a nurse named Pamela, a no-nonsense woman in her 40s who grew up in Ohio. My wife, a native of Michigan, got along well with Pam, who seemed a bit cool toward me. Perhaps it had to do with her difficulty understanding my accent. She knew I was an international student attending Ohio University. Her aloofness could also have been because she sensed something about me—namely, my indifference to her class and its purpose. She was absolutely right. Frankly, I was not a believer in the Lamaze method.

The technique originated in France and was developed by French obstetrician Ferdinand Lamaze. It is a set of techniques that help women cope with pain during labor and delivery rather than resorting to medical intervention. It involves breathing and relaxation techniques and other natural ways to relieve pain. My wife read about Lamaze and became a fan. When she told me about it, I thought the whole idea was bizarre, but decided to support her. I went along with the idea of attending the class twice a week. I believed that when the time for the delivery came, all these pain-relieving techniques would go out the window. Four or five couples were in our class, so each couple worked as a team during practice, with the idea that they would do so during delivery. The class, which cost a few hundred dollars, was helpful in learning the process of labor and delivery and assuaged our fears about the new adventure of giving birth.

We attended the class religiously for a few weeks. Pam was an excellent instructor and motivator. After several weeks of instruction, we graduated and decided to hold an appreciation dinner for Pam at Pizza Hut. I was happy that the class was over and felt relieved, but I also knew that the baby was due soon.

D-Day arrived one or two months later. It was December 3 when my wife and I headed to O’Bleness Hospital in Athens, Ohio. The labor was intense, slow, and plodding. It was the middle of the night when it came time to deliver. Nurses, assistant nurses, a physician, and I were in the delivery room. The environment was chaotic. It was loud with too many bright lights. In the midst of all the clamor, I panicked. I started to sweat profusely and felt faint. I was experiencing a panic attack. The doctor noticed my discomfort and came to my aid. He told me it was OK to go outside if I wanted. It was obvious I was a liability in the delivery room—perhaps he did not want to have a second patient on his hands. I went outside but stayed near the delivery suite. All my efforts to learn and master breathing techniques in our Lamaze class had come to naught. Shortly, my baby daughter arrived in the world crying and screaming, and I suddenly forgot all about my stress, anxiety, and—most of all—how I cracked under pressure.

In April 15, 2008, I read an article in The Mail, a British newspaper, in which leading French obstetrician Michel Odent expressed his disapproval of men being in the delivery room. After 50 years of experience as a medical doctor with 15,000 deliveries under his belt, Odent finally came out and advised men to stay away from the delivery suite. In the 1950s, it was unheard of for men to be part of the delivery. However, since the 1970s, it has become acceptable for men to participate in the childbirth process. It is now common in the West for men to be next to their partners as they deliver. Interestingly, Odent viewed this as a bad idea. “The presence of men in the delivery room is not always a positive thing,” he argued. “[The husband’s] presence is a hindrance, and a significant factor [for] why labors are longer, more painful and more likely to result in intervention than ever.” It is impossible, he said, for a woman to feel relaxed when her husband, as tense and stressed as he can be, stands next to her and attempts to soothe her. Moreover, there are some men, Odent added, who are “at risk of being unwell or depressed due to having seen their partners labor.”

Dr. Odent spoke up a tad late for men like me. I could have used his recommendation a couple of decades ago. I come from a conservative culture that views the presence of men in the delivery room as taboo. While it is a personal choice, of course, I find myself agreeing with Dr. Odent. It is much better for men to wait outside and express their loving support before and after delivery. There are certain things women do better when they do them alone.