Cantarbaqash is in his fifties,
short and round. He has a well-trimmed beard and wears suits that are oversized
but help him conceal his protruding belly. He once was a cabbie, a career that
spanned 23 years. He has never attended school but speaks two African languages
with ease. His English is self-taught and limited; his Arabic is at best
pedestrian. His line of work is the nonprofit sector. Throughout the years, he
has raised several million dollars for the agency he heads to feed the poor and
indigent in the Horn of Africa. The organization’s website is littered with
pictures of internally displaced people receiving food, cooking oil, and
blankets. The name of the charity is widely displayed in the background for
emphasis. Other images are of goats being donated to people or on their way to
the slaughterhouse for meat donation. It
is not clear if these images of goats are recycled from various projects across
the country. Cantarbaqash shows pictures of starving people to Somalis in the
diaspora so that they donate to his agency.
He has fared well and leads a
comfortable life. He travels constantly. All the monies collected as
donations—which are all in cash—are supposedly used for staff traveling,
offices, restaurant food, and hotel accommodations. Only a small fraction of
the funds goes to the needy, according to Cantarbaqash himself. “We have high
overhead costs, like some of the big Western NGOs,” he says, putting his
foundation in the same realm as Save the Children and the International Rescue
Committee. After many years in the field of charity, his foundation has yet to
build a school, a clinic, or a warehouse for food distribution. Once or twice a
year, Cantarbaqash calls local media in Mogadishu and bribes a few journalists
to cover his distribution of aid to a select one or two hundred poor people.
Then Cantarbaqash flies back to his splendid house in North America.
One day, Cantarbaqash had a new
revelation: He wants to be elected president of Somalia in 2016. Since then, he
has fixated on 2016. He has told his family and friends that he is serious about
pursuing his dream of becoming president. Cantarbaqash has visited Somalia—from
Hargeisa to Kismayo—in his capacity as a charity manager. He is absolutely
certain that—don’t laugh—people in Somaliland and Puntland will support him. They
should, he says with smugness because their leaders have welcomed him before.
In reality, Cantarbaqash is in it for personal gain. He is as greedy as a
chipmunk and as unscrupulous as a hyena.
Where does Cantarbaqash stand on
the issues?
Q: What is your political plan
for the country?
A: Um, I want to serve my
country. I love Somalia.
Q: What is your economic plan?
A: I believe in entrepreneurship.
Q: What do you
think of the provisional constitution?
A: Somalis are not happy with
this document. It must go.
Q: What is the problem with the
constitution?
A: The people that I talk to are
opposed to this document.
Q: What are your thoughts on
peace and reconciliation?
A: We are one nation and we need
to build our future.
Q: What role do you see for
Somali women in rebuilding the country?
A: [Laughter] You know me, I love
women. [More laughter]
Obviously, Cantarbaqash has not
yet formulated his “plans” but he might still surprise many by having his
political “agenda” in glossy pamphlets, just like the glitzy, eye-catching
literature about his foundation. He asserts that he is no different than some
of the recent presidents who, in his words, “came from nowhere to be the leaders
of Somalia.”
There is nothing to be expected
from Cantarbaqash, a man of obvious limitations. The only thing outstanding
about him is his mediocrity. Unfortunately, given the state of Somalia over the
last three decades, Cantarbaqash’s mediocrity may not seem strange after all. Ladies
and gentlemen, Cantarbaqash’s presidential candidacy is coming to a coffeehouse
near you. Until then, sit tight and enjoy the “fadhi-du-Dirir” (political chatter). Cantarbaqash is oblivious to
one thing: Political chatter among Somalis has become an art form and is much
more popular than even the office of the presidency.
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